Someone once suggested to me that a person's identity is determined by his/her actions. I disagree, believing that actions are mearly a clue to a person's identity, and that further study is usually warranted.
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Reality is subjective, but most of us insist that it should be objective. As a result, we attempt to force the objective elements that we encounter to become identical to the subjective ones we perceive. One of the keys to enlightenment is to stop struggling with the universe and accept what it has to offer.