user since
Mon Apr 8 2002 at 21:23:21 (16.2 years ago )
last seen
Fri Feb 6 2009 at 20:33:22 (9.4 years ago )
number of write-ups
88 - View Irfan's writeups (feed)
level / experience
2 (Acolyte) / 1130
C!s spent
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E2, Da Big Bad Bitch
My E2 Experience

I remember some time ago, when I first stumbled upon E2. One of my friends was already into this site and I always thought it was dumb of him to waste his time on such a pathetic little site. Well, some time later, seeing as how I am drawn towards pathetic little things, I decided to get a user account. Seeing as how I'm lazy, I decided to skip the whole Everything University and all that other bullshit which requires any reading. So posted my first node. I titled it glomming and it was instantly killed. Of course, I didn't know it was killed, I just thought that my slow ass 56-gay internet didn't submit it correctly. So I posted that same thing about 3-4 times. Same result each time. I bitched about this to my friend and he asked me, does it say anything on the Chatterbox. I'm like "Chatterbox? What the fluck is that?" Well, there were about 2-3 messages from Klaproth (each more threatening than the one which preceded it) demanding me to change the the title from "glomming" to "glom." So I did, and all was nice and good. Or so it seemed.

Well, anyhoo, time went by, and I got more and more into the site. At first, I just wanted to get upto level two so I could get voting power. I did that after some frantic noding. Upon reaching my goal, I sort of calmed down. I think it was around this time that I brought in another one of my friends, scoobi doo into this site. Well, we were having a grand old time, and suddenly, I saw that I was reaching closer and closer to level 4, and that amazing thing known as giving out C!'s! After participating in some random quests, and writing some random writeups, and doing a bunch of other crazy crap, I finally did it--I was level 4. Our next goal was to get a homenode pic, but some shit happened which I'll explain...umm....right now, I guess.

A short time later, scoobi doo also reached this level. So we went along giving C! to eachother, and occassionaly to some other writeups (but mostly to eachother). We had the goal to have a C! on each and every one of our writeups. But it was taking a long time--what with all the writeups and all. Scoobi doo, who had a cable connection at his house, stumbled across, what I consider to be a glitch in E2. He found a way to give essentially infinite C!'s if done right. The most he ever gave me in one day was I think 8. It never worked for me (I blame the 56k), but I just decided to give my password to Scoobi Doo and have him do it for me.

This massive C! went on for quite a while but we eventually got caught. This little fucker (at first I thought it was best to leave out his/her name...but now i'm like, screw it) named dannye thought he was sooo smart and figured out our shit. He/she (you know what, fuck this too, "he" is probably a "she") thought that we were the same person and brought both our XP to like zero. I still have the message which she sent saved in my chatterbox. I'm too lazy to load up what it says, but it was basically saying something like "Your game is over. You and scoobi doo are the same person. We've banned users for abuses like this before." And blah blah blah, like I give a fuck, she went on and on like the little bitch she is. (Note, because scoobi doo was logging on both our accounts from the same computer to hand out C!'s, our IP's showed up to be the same, and hence dannye's genius discovery).

So at first I was about to message him, explaining the whole deal about what happened, and apologize and shit like that. But then i'm like, "no." So I basically stopped logging on for a while. In the meantime, they banned scoobi doo's account. For what? Well, it remains a mystery. He couldn't log on to check his messages as to why he was banned. How gay is that? I mean, they didn't even give him a chance to pull an asamoth. So, as I was saying, I basically stopped logging on and was happy. I found myself with more and more time (which I wasted doing other stuff...I seem to have a problem with being efficient when it comes to time) and continued on secretly hating E2 (Note: My hatred towards E2 didn't originate from this incident. It has always been. It just became public at this time).

I occassionaly logged on to see if I got any more writeups C! or to check if I'm still a user and if they've banned me like they did to scoobi doo. But then, after a while, scoobi doo said he wanted to make a new name and try this shit one more time. Well, that made me want to start again too. But after one writeup, they banned him again. What's more, for some reason, another editor/god/whatever msged me telling me that he/she has suspended my cools because I seem to be cooling myself. First off, how is that possible? If it were, in any way possible, I would have done it a long time ago. Anyhoo, after a few days of that incident, I decided that I was yet again bored, and wrote this. Now that we're up to date, let me end this paragraph.

Ok, new paragraph. E2 seems to be getting less and less fun by the day, so I don't regret bailing out (well, I don't really consider to have bailed out yet. I still log on occasionally). But I don't regret not posting any new writeups. Secondly, I seem to be getting into beef's with many people over this site (many people = a few editors) and I don't consider that to be "fun," which is the initial reason why I came to this site. Well, the way that it's set-up now, it is pretty hard to have "fun" on E2. It's become some sort of second job where you're writing for some sort of encyclopedia and getting paid in imaginary money. Once you get enough money, you move up to the next level of the "coroporate ladder" and start distributing money to new employees. All this time, you're being worked by the big bitches on top who control everything (everything2, that is). So blah blah blah, shit happens, you work and work to please these people on the top so maybe one day, you could show them all the money you have, and if you're rich enough, you get certain powers. Eventually, you can join them in their quest to becoming the biggest group of bitches the world has ever seen.

Now, this is my fake advise to new E2 users. First piece of advise, don't listen to my advise if you want to do well in this site. Just disregard it. Second piece of advise: disregard my first piece of advise. Now that that's done, here's some real advise. E2 is a bitch. Try and fit in and maybe one day you can become join these bitches and not even realize how big of a bitch you are. Now, if you're already a bitch, then welcome--you'll fit right in. If you aren't a bitch, then get your act together. How you expect to survive here with your bitch-less attitude?

And I'm sick and tired of this whole "Everything is a community" bullshit. And all this stupid shitty writeups telling everyone else how E2 saved your life, and how you decided not to murder your family and join the circus because you read a writeup and felt connected to it and realized that this is really your family. I'm tired of all those stupid shits. Everything is not a community. People only think it's a community because that's what they want it to be. It's like the Matrix. Once you open your eyes, you'll see that E2 is not really a community, but an illusion of a community. I call it the Everything Matrix. Take linear algebra and then maybe you'll understand.

Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone on E2 is not a bitch. I mean, there are the exceptions. Many people are nice, and many people try to be nice (the nicest is Cool Man Eddie...but he doesn't write as often as he used to).

In retrospect, my times could've been more enjoyable if maybe I was "into" the whole E2 thing. But anyhoo, that doesn't matter anymore. Because I wrote this shit and I don't feel like changing it and blaming myself. So i'm sticking with my whole anti-E2 attitude.

Part II

All right, all right. So I log in every couple of months to see if Klaproth or Cool Man Eddie have messaged me. I log in today and what is this? HALF MY FUCKEN' WRITE-UPS ARE DELETED! I WANT THAT MOTHERFUCKEN' KLAPROTH OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKEN' SITE! But obviously, Klaproth can't act alone being the little bitch he is. He needs someones hand stuck up his ass working him like a puppet. Well, another certain editor/god/whatever decided that this monster hadn't been fed in a while so HAD HIM EAT 30-40 OF MY FUCKEN WRITE-UPS! AND THESE WERE BALLER-ASS WRITE-UPS--SOME WITH MULTIPLE-FUCKEN C! I remember one had like 5C!s on them!!! What the fuck?! How am I gonna get that glory back? Plus, they locked my fucken' writing ability so I can't post new write-ups. I log in once every 3-4 months for this?!?!

Man, fuck that. In my previous rant, I ended on a sell-out note calling most people nice. MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT NICE. If they were, they would have overthrown this fucken' mean-ass tyrannical elitist group of editors. I feel like I wasted so much of my fucken' time years ago when I wrote all those baller write-ups. I feel like I wasted my time when I sat there patiently watching them grow. I feel like I wasted my time when I purposefully hardlinked to the new writeups in hopes of getting more recognition. NOW HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY GONNA GET RECOGNITION WHEN THEY'RE BURIED IN NODE "HEAVEN." THERE IS NO NODE HEAVEN. ONLY NODE HELL. My poor nodes were living peacefully amongst everyone here, giving everyone joy UNTIL THEY WERE MURDERED! Now they lay buried, hopelessly trying to regain their previous stature amongst the other "Cool" write-ups.

The editors on this site are murderers. No trial, no jury, no justice. Only executions. Is this what millenia of human history teach us? Fuck asking questions? Kill whenever you see fit? If I had my way, I'd make my own website with baller-ass shit like reversible coats made of white panda and bald eagle, tyranosaurs rex eggs and my own SWEAT SHOP!

No wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, here's some math for you BITCHES!

E2 = BAD
- E2 = GOOD

So what does that tell you? An anti-E2 stance is a good stance. Now back to my website, I'ma make it where all the good (anti-e2) people can go to. I'ma call it...

Ahhh, fuck it, i'm too lazy.

Pending to write:

A hardcore diss towards Everything2.