It is my opinion that raspberries and their darker cousin, the blackberry, are the worst kinds of possible fruit milkshakes you could possibly create. This of course excludes the tomato, which, although scientifically categorized as a fruit, is commonly used in most cultures as a vegetable.

I came to this realization the other day when I was at a local 50's diner. I had a hankerin' for a creamy, sweet, fruit shake. I peruse through the long list of delectable flavors on their menu, when I come across the two words which I pined after most at that very moment: "Blueberry shake".

After what seemed like an eternity I finally received my shake. I plunge the straw into the tall icy glass, take the first sip, and swallow it down. It was at this precise moment I realized how much blueberry sounds like blackberry. I probably wouldn't have noticed the difference had it not been for the millions of tiny little seeds that found their way into the most intimate and unreachable crevices of my mouth.

As I made a point to mention before, shakes are meant to be smooth. They should slide down your throat like a penguin on a water slide. But raspberries and blackberries have a natural roughness to them.

The second reason why I consider these two monsters the herpes of the shake kingdom is because they are meant to be bitter, whereas ice cream, is for those with a sweet tooth. If I wanted to drink something bitter I would have asked for a cup of joe!

So please, I beg you, don't ruin the world with your ridiculous shakes. Make someone's day and order blueberry instead.