well, kids, this may be the end of crowjane. no, no.... i'm not going to quit hanging about or anything lame and stupid like that. but if i don't get my ass in gear, i may be a very dead little noder.

next week i go in to see if i have congenital mercury poisoning, which would explain the startling holes in my memory. apparently my mother has had mercury poisoning since before she was pregnant with me, so there's a damn good chance i have it, too. no wonder i've felt like my head's full of cotton these past couple of years.

next on the list is treatment for my badly overworked adrenals. this is what will likely do me in, in the end. apparently, i've been running on willpower and boiled cabbage for so long that i've stripped my body down past acceptable working condition. i'm tired all the time, but i can't sleep anymore. i was up for three days, and then down for eight hours, and i feel like i'm about to do it again. it's become a frighteningly common occurence as of late. i cry at the drop of a hat, i have crippling pains in every muscle in my body, and for the last two months, i've felt like my kidneys were in a vise. this is the problem with being poor: you can't afford medical attention, even when you need it. i can either see a doctor or i can eat, tomorrow.

on the bright side, i got approved for another student loan, so i can not only pay the rent, but i can finally see a damn doctor before i die of something stupid. yay, not dying of stupid things! also on my cheery news list, i scored a copy (for free, ov course!) of planescape: torment, which has been out of print for a while, but i have desperately wanted to play it again. hooray for me! at least if i kick the bucket before i can get help, i'll die happy!