i'm at that weird hour when i'm not sure what day it is... i mean, i don't *think* it's tomorrow, since i haven't slept, but it has to be because it's 2 in the morning here. and so, i will make a handful of weird and semi-contradictory statements, having to do with time.

so i went to see the doctor (yes, another one), today, and got referrals for three more specialists. weeee. a month of nothing but doctor visits. i can't wait. ::clears throat:: uh, or something..

but really, the important part is that i now have recent prescriptions for the stuff i have to take every month, so the pharmacy will quit bugging me about it. and it must have been amateur phlebotomists' day 'cos i got a few too many holes in my arms. ::grumble:: oh, did i mention it was a *fasting* blood screen? as in "don't eat after midninght"? yeah, well, i got that done after thirteen hours of not eating anything and getting progressively dizzier and crankier.

ahhh...i read this and i realise i'm not depressed right now. i'm back to my good old cranky self. more fist shaking and yelling, "you damn kids! git offa mah lawn!" yeah, i'll be 23 tomorrow, but try telling that to my knees... no, really, maybe they'll listen to you...

ahh, the joys of being flippantly and humourously bitchy...

so, i'm almost done with this ridiculous project for school. i decided, for some unfathomable reason, that my final project was going to be a picture book of the enlightenment of Muso Soseki. you have to realise what an absolutely horrible idea this has been: 1. no library within 40 miles of my house contains any information on the gent, meaning, i've had to go completely on class notes; 2. i can't draw worth a sick fuck; and 3. last, but not least, i've been too goddamn sick to do much besides forget to eat. yes kids, i've finally lost my mind, and set out to do something epic, that turned into a friggin' children's book.

well, back to it, i guess...

UPDATED: july 24, 21:30 local time

today, tomorrow, whatever. that fantastic ferret faced dj, of whom i am so fond, is moving to florida to go back to school. and he wants me to keep the relationship with him. why, god, why, does this sound so familiar? oh, that's right, because this is an established pattern. this is the way it usually goes. and then he won't come back, and he'll want me to go there, and then when i finally make a test run of it, he'll get around to telling me he's found someone better. as fucking usual. i don't have the time, or the patience for this shit, anymore. i'm not being unreasonable, here.

and so he wakes me up to tell me this, after i've had six hours of sleep in two days, on the day before my birthday.

i don't want to kill myself, i'm far too exhausted for that. i just want to die. i'm tired of it; all of it.