I was 15, or maybe 16. I was in drama
in high school
. As people's hormones
slowly got up to speed, we'd have a person or two every now and then who would come out of the closet
and tell us they were gay. Being in drama, there was a pretty good support
webbing for those who wished to attempt to live publicly.
The first question usually asked of these people was usually, "How did you know?" The answer, nigh invariably, would come back as some permutation of, "Well, I guess I always knew somewhere inside of me, but the turning point was when I finally decided to stop suppressing the little voice inside of me and just listen to it."
After hearing that explanation a couple of times, I wondered if I might not actually be gay, but just suppressing it to avoid social stigma. One night, I decided to give myself a test. I was going to be gay for one week to see if it made sense. Not flaming, or even "out." Just gay.
I stopped paying attention to cute girls, and started to give my fellow guys a little more notice. I examined them from a distance, not just asking "is he cute?" but "why is he cute to me?" I surfed gay websites to gain a better understanding of gay issues, and even studied (that's the most fitting word) some gay pr0n to see if I could figure out what the physical ideals were supposed to be. And I did it. For a week.
In retrospect, the most interesting facet of my whole week of being gay was how little it changed my lifestyle. I still went to school, hung out with my friends, did homework, sat at home on weekends, and ritually drowned myself in teen angst and Comedy Central re-runs of Monty Python's Flying Circus. If I remember correctly, the reason why I ultimately decided I wasn't gay was that trying to live as though I was gay felt absolutely no different from trying to live as though I was straight. Well, that, and I decided that I really did like girls. A lot. I figured that the most I could be was bi.
Since that week, I've never really returned to being a homosexual, although every once in a while I meet a guy that I think I wouldn't mind snogging with. Oh well, can't blame a guy for trying.