We sat on Elizabeth’s balcony at the University of Chicago at 1:00 A.M. and watched the storm roll in. The conversation started with her getting married soon, but it soon turned to all of the failed relationships we’d both had and dissecting them. Finally, I had to ask her about Allison.

“You’ve been her best friend forever, what was the whole story with her and me?”

Paul, what do all of Allison's boyfriends have in common?”

“They all end up treating her like shit.”

“Other than that. They’re all totally loaded. Allison is only looking for a man with money, she wants a rich man to take care of her. She’s going to be in for a rude awakening when she finally marries some guy only for his money and he ends up being a complete asshole.”

“So after years of friendship, sharing our innermost thoughts and desires, months of sexual tension, and a night of me opening my heart to her, the reason she turned me down had nothing to do with what kind of person I was or even how I looked. It was only because I didn’t have enough money for her?”

“That’s pretty much it.”

Fuck her.