Steven Weber and the mom from Donnie Darko wanted to make me into a child star, to replace some Haley Joel Osment look-alike with stage fright. But I didn't want to do it, so I went through each floor of Leo J. Pantas Hall, my college dormitory, and put bombs in the elevator machinery rooms.

Later on, I was at the big unveiling of this new child star, backstage with Steven Weber and the mom from Donnie Darko, and the kid was in the middle of answering questions from the crowd, when he just ran off. Somehow they convinced me to take his place. I put on some glasses and got up on the stage. Everyone was cheering for me and hanging on my every word. I was so happy, I forgot about not wanting to do this, and I also forgot about the bombs I'd planted.

The next day, the day the bombs were to go off, I was hanging around with Steven Weber and the mom from Donnie Darko in the theater where the press conference had been the night before. They were worried "this thing" they'd started was getting too big, and they had to put a stop to it.

Apparently, there was another press conference planned for that night, or sometime soon, for which they had set up a giant flame thrower in the ceiling that would kill every person in the room. But the cord that activated it was too short and the mom from Donnie Darko couldn't reach it.

She walked over to Steven Weber and said "We're gonna die, aren't we?"

"Yeah, it looks that way," he said.

"Why?" I asked. "Is this building close to Pantas?"

"It's right next door," replied the mom from Donnie Darko, as she sat down, defeated. Just then, we felt a rumbling, and there was a bright flash of light. I ran over to the window and watched as each floor, one by one, exploded into a giant fireball. And it wasn't until after they'd all blown, after I realized I'd killed every person in the building, that I really started to feel bad about it.

"What have I done?" I turned to Steven Weber and the mom from Donnie Darko. I tried to think of the people I knew in that building, but I couldn't even remember who any of them were. All I knew was that I'd never see any of them again. Steven Weber and the mom from Donnie Darko consoled me as the fire department showed up at Pantas to assess the damage. It was only at this point that I began to worry about what would happen if the police caught me.

At some point, I also became very concerned with the prospect of going to Hell. I realized there was no escaping eternal damnation now. The minor sins I had perpetrated throughout my life - lust, dishonesty, spite - meant nothing now, because nothing could wash away what I'd just done.

I woke up shortly thereafter, and, needless to say, my home had not been blown up. The thing about it is, I don't even believe in Hell.