Over a half century ago in a small whaling village in Northeastern Nova Scotia, a humble but proud man named Pierre La Bumgardner stumbled upon an incredible discovery.
As a means of income Pierre worked as a lookout on a small whaling vessel. Because the boat was small and the captain was very poor, there was not a crow's nest on top of the mast. Bumgardner had to resort to perching on top of the mast. He spent many painful hours a day on top of the mast.
When the ship would come into port, he was never able to take part in the merriment shared by his other shipmates. He was lucky if he could walk, much less wear pants with suspenders.
He experimented with countless salves and ointments but to no avail. One day while experimenting, he mixed a concoction of whale blubber and lanolin. While this provided some relief, the true breakthrough came when he added the key ingredient - persimmon juice.
This amazing ointment brought relief to Pierre's aching bum, and was bought up in large quantities by horseback riders, unicyclists, and hurdlers everywhere. Bumgardner had plans to market his new healing and tightening ointment, but he was unable to raise the funds necessary to package his product in large quantities.
One fateful day, a sly, cunning and vile financier named Horatio Delacroix stole Pierre's precious mixture right out from under him. He named his stolen mixture Horatio's Bum Balm but no one would market it. So that he could market his stolen booty, he changed it's name to Preparation H.