So there I am, sitting in my carrel unit studying for the IB exam, trying to memorize the Five Pillars of Islam, when suddenly, I hear a strange wailing noise-

Is it the fire alarm?

Is it for the coastguards?

No... it's the call-out siren for the inshore lifeboat RNLI station. (exciting trumpet music sounds, worthy of any super-heroine)

So I abandon all studies and run down the stone steps to the seafront. It's late afternoon, and most students are in the houses, preparing for another meal of fish and chips. I look around, see no one, and proceed to change into the drysuit (as opposed to a wetsuit).

My heart palpitating and thoughts racing, I then run over to the other arriving students as we wait for staff members to open the office so we can commence communication with Swansea Coastguard. Eventually, we get a crew together consisting of Albert (@) the insane Dutch guy, Muhammad (my trusty sidekick from Pakistan) and two Englishmen, both staff members. I alone account for the female race, for the United States of America, for peace, justice, and truth! It is all up to me...

The official situation: two people trapped by the tide on a cliff. The Coastguard is on its way, to reach the people by abseiling down. We (Atlantic College inshore lifeboat) have been sent to rescue the casualties from said precarious situation.

So we show up, and there they are- a middle-aged couple sitting on a cliff ledge. I am given the task of radio communication, whilst Albert the Dutchman is told to "veer down" on the couple. Do any of us know how to do this? The answer, quite simply, was no.

Step one: position the boat several feet away from the cliff, so there is no danger of a wave throwing the boat directly onto the rocks.

Step two:release the anchor, being sure to put it through the dog lead. Then ensure it is properly anchored to the sea floor.

Step three: this is the exciting part. Slowly and steadily reverse towards the place where you have decided to land, so you can access the cliff and rescue the damsel in distress.

*Important note*the cool thing about veering down is that if you see a big wave approaching, just take the boat out of reverse. See, the line (rope) stretches, so if the power is taken off, the boat will spring forward to where it originally began, thereby eliminating the risk of being thrown onto the rocks (or even better, the casualties...).

Ok, so we radio to the coastguard after being instructed in how to veer down. Only to discover that the casualties don't mind waiting out the tides- in other words, they don't want to be rescued by us. So we practice veering down anyway. And then we go back, to find that we have missed supper.

Can I be any more anti-climatic?

@ all names have been changed to protect the innocent

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