True Life And A Real Angel. a desperate plea to (anything). (searching for Eldorado)
Gaily bedight, A gallant knight, In sunshine and in shadow, Had journeyed long, Singing a song, In search of Eldorado.
Tonight we’re at a party, if you want to call it a party. It’s more of a gathering. We don’t stay long, no one does. You sort of run out of corners. Some people bring happiness in a bag. Some people forget what happiness tastes like, what happiness feels like; what happiness is. Recently I found happiness. No, not in a bag or anything. I found happiness crouched in the corner of a coffee shop, watching the world go by and smoking a cigarette, letting her coffee grow cold. Our eyes linked and we immediately connected. I found out who I was that night.
-a dance routine choreographed by angst-
But he grew old- This knight so bold- And o'er his heart a shadow Fell as he found No spot of ground That looked like Eldorado.
I wanted to be an artist, a sculptor, a painter. I wanted to write. I didn’t know what to concentrate on but beauty. And you can find beauty in everything.
A burst of energy runs up my arm, and I’m jumping from one foot to the other. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Both. The sun shines, it shines bright. I tell- I tell her what it tells me. It says to get out of here. Run away! Leave! Save yourself. The sun wants this area for itself. It claims this space. It’s taking over this general region. We have to get away. Otherwise we’ll just get burned to a crisp. THE SUN WILL EAT YOU!!! DO YOU WANT TO BECOME COSMIC SHIT!!?? I don’t want to become cosmic shit!, I don’t want to be cosmic shit. It’s not safe here. We have to go away to some other place. Some other dimension. Our own dimension. Our own time. It’ll- it’ll be, I don’t know what it’ll be but whatever it is it’s what it should be.
Things begin to slow down. My feet stop moving and plant themselves in the ground. This is MY soil. Mine. Fuck you sun. Fuck you Mr.- “Mr. Solar power”. We could survive with out you. The planets revolve around me now. Yeah, that’s right. It’s not the same as it was anymore. I don’t move for hours. My heart skips beats, by brain stops ticking. I sulk into a catatonic phase that could last for hours. She puts me in her arms.
And, as his strength Failed him at length, He met a pilgrim shadow- "Shadow," said he, "Where can it be- This land of Eldorado?"
She holds me close and whispers in my ear, “you’re my angel.” But she has it wrong, I’m lost without her, she’s my guardian angel, she has wings on her back to prove it.
We embrace, we’re two souls intertwined. We’re one. What she sees I see, what I feel she feels, past is forgotten and future is lost, there is only now, and now is forever. Now is all there ever was, ever will be.
I take the scalpel and carefully outline her tattoo. I cut deep otherwise there wouldn’t be enough strength to suspend her. Her screams are muffled by silence and there‘s a smile on her face. There is no sound, everything is muted. With every cut her insides come pouring out. I pull and tear at the skin, now flesh is exposed. It’s beautiful, she’s beautiful, both outside and in. The hooks are ready. They’re meat hooks. There’s two; both sterile and sharpened. They hang from the ceiling above the bed. I lift her to them, inserting one through each wing. The hooks pierce quickly, they slide smoothly. I kiss her good night. She’s a mobile. She’s a dream catcher. She’s the past, present and the future. She’s beauty. She’s art. She’s a book. She’s love. She watches over me. She’s smiling, she’s still smiling. She’s an angel, my guardian angel.
…Everything goes dark.
"Over the Mountains Of the Moon, Down the Valley of the Shadow, Ride, boldly ride," The shade replied- "If you seek for Eldorado!"