It seems easier to re-instate the kindling of a past love than it is to seek out new love, if you are fortunate enough to be given a second chance, or to offer one. But the people I've seen trying to do it fail, maybe not right away, but they fail every time. There's a time somewhere when I'm seeing them at that crossroads, looking down at their hands blankly then turning and walking back in the direction they came from. In some ways, I know even I have been at that crossroads, with that anguishing and half-dead hope of revival.

There are people you have built a history with that is so important that you put aside all differences to respect it. You may tell people of your harrowing breakup and they'll tell you what a dick or bitch your ex is, and you will nod in agreement with them but inside you will know that your audience does not have the whole story. About that history you want to go back to a reflect on because it is your history, a big and recent part of you that you simply aren't able to let go of.

You may reach out to that person in an effort to bridge the distance, to keep them, in some way, a part of your present life, as though being in your past makes it more painful, because they are still alive. They haunt you with their inability to be yours and yours alone. They're out there somewhere and there is always that chance that they are being loved and appreciated in all the ways you can't now.

I've done it. It doesn't work. Just let them go. You can't force fate. And I mean really let them go. Don't leave a candle burning. Snuff it out. Get on with your life. Don't make someone else suffer just because you're on the rebound. And don't make an ass out of yourself by chasing someone who's dissed you, or someone you left.

This is, of course, with the assumption that we are above our loneliness, which is often not true. I think this is part of my problem.

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