i can still hear the voices in my head
and they tell me i'm not insane
but i'm not sure if i should believe them or not.
denial, don'tcha know.
and i'm still pretty pissed off at my father
for forgiving my sister her teen-pregnancy
her irresponsible behavior
her financial entanglements that cobwebbed us in
her putting the family in a place of shame
and for yelling Yelling YELLING
at me because i'm not perfect
and making me feel i could/can never be good enough.
so what is that..
AND sibling rivalry?
and yes, i still hate him.
i almost enacted his murder
- the one i (pre)meditated over for a LONG time
and figgered out how i would NOT get caught
but still be able to see him suffer -
i think it had something to do with poison.
never liked girls anyway.
my mom's great and all but
the pain's still there
buried deep inside so much that i want to be the cause
and warp this reality with my own
schizophrenia, ya know
but i'm still not sure if the voices in my head are really mine
i think they call that dissociative identity disorder.
or if they're really the voices of THEM.
paranoia, ladies and gentlemen.
but i still don't know.
therapy bills are a bitch.
a writing assignment from en202, my one creative writing class at bu. the task here was just to make any kinda poem. this just turned out to be semi-autobiographical and exaggerated. no, really.