Third Time...


...and the last time. A few months ago in my tiny apartment in Pusan, South Korea. I'm in a room with a demon, and this time it's a she.

She's showing me things, really terrible things. Threatening me. There is something more indistinct about the impressions she made on me in my mind, I can remember much more detail about the first two times. I know that it felt like she was making me imagine a lot of really bad, disgusting, horrific things, but the only one I can really remember involved blood. A lot of blood. It was as if she was going for an overpowering effect and as I type this the only thing that really sticks out was just seeing this demon-witch-thing in my mind, and a lot of blood coming from everywhere, it was pouring down the walls of the dream-room.

Once again though I tried to stay calm and have faith that I would be alright.

I remember imagining that I was holding on to a small silver crucifix, which helped somehow, and praying. There seems to be something essential in that act that is much more important than the details, which I think in this instance are more or less unconsciously determined by the context of my early upbringing. If I ever identified myself as an Irish Catholic, I'd be talking sociologically rather than theologically. Nowadays I like Hinduism, because it's beautiful and ties in really well with physics. But whatever blows your hair back.

The really nasty part of this attack happened after I woke up. I was lying on my side facing the wall, paralysed, feeling that this female demon's head was right next to mine. I could feel her pressed up against me, her breath against my face and neck, and she was whispering into my head, into my ear. That was pretty bad, feeling like she'd followed me out of the dream and was in my room. I was fighting to move, but I just couldn't for a while. Even though I knew that if I actually managed to turn around then I would be face to face with this disgusting, evil thing, I had to struggle. I was angry as well as afraid. I fought so hard to move my body, but it was like being held under a grip so strong that even though the signals are getting through to your muscles, you can't shift even a millimetre. Eventually she let go. They seem to give up when it becomes clear that you aren't going to. Demons 0 tiger cub 3

So...are these things really attacks by demons? Are they just night terrors of a certain and specific kind? What is it that my ex-girlfriend's father and I have in common that leads us to these strange experiences that we share? Why have so many other people all over the world throughout history felt remarkably similar things? I just want you to wonder for a second how you would make sense of experiences like these. Would you dismiss it as just a bad dream?

Are you sure?

I'm going to leave you with two very brief conclusions that I have drawn.

The first is that while these things are happening to somebody, there is never any doubt in that person's mind that they are being attacked by a demon. Some people fight, some people don't, but everybody thinks it's real while it's happening. The next day, in the bright sunshine, people might feel differently, or not.

The second is that while it's going on I am absolutely sure that I'm fighting against a demon. Afterwards, the only sense I can make of it is that I am fighting demons, but the demons are me.

Thanks for reading.

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