God where are you?
I call and I find no answer,
save riddle cloaked in myth,
superstition bought by faith,
sold by fallible men.
Wire running through my veins,
steel beneath my feet,
visions of the intangible haunt my passing moments,
trying so hard to put it all back,
fit all the pieces together.
Beauty so vast,
so infinite,
so bright,
I am blinded by it forever.
Where am I?
what is it that I hold inside,
why do I ask so many questions,
only to be rewarded,
with laughter?
Brief touch with the past,
the life that I cannot go back to,
what was once youth,
and is now death.
That man,
that being,
dying inside me now,
falling back from what I once was,
leaving me with white light,
and the promise of a future.
Death never caught me by the collar,
I managed to escape with a joker's dance,
taunting and tempting,
but never giving in.
Where does it go now?
The child is dead,
the man being reborn,
eight years of hatred,
for this I am to be forgiven?
If I manage,
to not hear the call again,
I will wonder,
what it would have been,
to taste it on my breath,
To feel the arms around me,
pulling me down,
into heat,
into nothing.
I cannot go back,
to that world,
to those faces,
without the betrayal of my own.
I have seen life,
I have seen salvation,
and I want nothing more.
Let these gray beasts go,
the behemoths that would lie and say they love me,
these monstrosities of rapacious men,
the last face of death I shall ever see.
My soul is my own,
I own what I am now,
they can do nothing to stop it now,
except kill me with the desire to go back to it all.

original prose, Yurei, 2000
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Out"go`ing, n.


The act or the state of going out.

The outgoings of the morning and evening. Ps. lxv. 8.


That which goes out; outgo; outlay.


The extreme limit; the place of ending.


The outgoings of the border were at the north bay of the salt sea, at the south end of Jordan. Josh. xviii. 19.


© Webster 1913.

Out"go`ing, a.

Going out; departing; as, the outgoing administration; an outgoing steamer.


© Webster 1913.

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