I am gratified that with Ohio House Bill #481 the Ohio State Legislature is finally taking an objective look at the stranglehold evolution has held on Ohio's classrooms. The bill is intended to mandate the teaching of all 'scientific' theories about life's origin. Their action is a first step that will sweep aside the false theories of evolution and creation science, and open the door for Ostrich Science.

Ostrich Science argues that the Earth is, in fact, a giant ostrich egg layed 30,000 years ago by a huge interstellar ostrich. There is much evidence to support ostrich theory. First of all, ostrich science explains earthquakes, volcanoes and other geologic disturbances as perturbations caused by the young ostrich embryo as it prepares to hatch. Earthly life is just the parasites left on the surface of the egg after hatching. Just as we have bacteria in our intestines, so too life existed inside the Great Ostrich's ovaries. After all, are we more than germs to the Great Bird which is large enough to lay the entire earth? I think not! In fact, the shock being laid is what killed off the dinosaurs!

For our final proof we must look at the Crab Nebula. Ostrich Scientists, whom affectionately call themselves 'eggheads', have rigorously traced the path of the Great Ostrich there. The nebula emits radio waves at 95.7 kilohertz, the very same frequency given off by ostrich feathers when excited by 50,000 volts! Is this coincidence? I think not! Rather, it is conclusive proof the earth is an ostrich egg.

I realize that not all of you subscribe to Ostrich Theory. But you cannot dismiss it. No one has ever travelled to the center of the earth's yolk to verify there is no ostrich. No human has ever visited the Crab Nebula. Therefore no one can prove Ostrich Science wrong.

Surely Ohio's children deserve the best we can give. Ostrich science is scientific by the standards of many Ohio legislators. By promoting equal time in the Classroom, Ohio's legislators have moved forward that blessed day when we all might join and bury our heads in the sand!

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