It all started in the cafeteria...

You see, they let you have as much nasty food as you want. I would eat with about seven people and so we would all get a meals worth of food. There would be a lot left over because much of it was inedible.

So, I would start building. It's really like a construction site. You need a foundation (tray), supports (glasses), substrates (plates or trays) and adhesive (mashed potatoes, peanut butter, etc..). The most common method was to take a plate and center it in the tray. Then, I would take another plate and put it on the side. I would get three glasses and put adhesive on the bottoms of them. Then, I would arrange the glasses on the plate that I put aside. I would then take the plate/glass assembly and put it on the plate on the tray. Slight variations on this were done to make the second/third level. The last level is always one glass with a small bowl (called a monkey bowl) inverted on the top. Then a straw with a small fruit at the end is place on it. This is the antenna. After the structure is in place, the food must be added. It is usually dripping with slime aftwards.

After the sculpture is complete, I would carry it to the conveyer belt and put it on. I would then salute it as it went down the belt, through the wall, and on to unsuspecting cafeteria slaves. Although the sculptures got very big, I never had one fall on me on the way to the belt. Sometimes, we would attach a paper that said, "With love from the Unisculptor!"

The largest sculpture I ever did was about three feet tall and had two trays (one inverted on top of the other, seperated by four glasses at the corners). The top tray sported two towers of plates and glasses, and two antennas. It was about 40 pounds. This is the one I got busted for. The RA came over and told me that I had to be written up. He had a form. It had check boxes. None of them said playing with food. He had to check other. He asked me what he should write down as a description. I suggested food sculpture, but he wouldn't. We settled for food structure. A brief description of it followed, where it was descriped as "impressive." I was asked to sign the note, agreeing that everything within was true. I did, and got his pen full of mashed potatoes. I asked him what would happen to this note (which also had a bunch of mashed potatoes on it). He told me that it would go to the front desk where everybody would laugh at it, and be placed on the bulletin board.

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