Why do we make love so confusing? Something so simple, and easy, and pure, surrounded with rules descended from religion and shame. From whence comes this guilt i feel upon meeting another soul who makes me feel good? And why is it worse that she is so much younger? I understand why there is caution when there are so many years between lovers, but why is there guilt? Why have we built up so many rules to make us feel bad about loving?

For reasons unknown to me i find myself again and again in situations where the love in my heart is not played out through the "normal" rules of my christian upbringing. I have fallen head over heels in love with a woman with a boyfriend, a lover, and a life completely separate from mine. I have a friend whom i love with a strength that startles and surprises me. I think about her every day and miss holding her in my arms and snuggling close to her. And now there is another, barely met, she has walked through my walls and knocked on the door of my heart.

Was love always divided with levels and labels? Were there always these divisions between friend and lover? Do they have to remain? What would happen if we ignored them... if we simply loved as our hearts saw fit? Are we truly so weak and fragile we need to lock down our hearts with these bindings and rules? Or is it maybe that so few of us are that honest with ourselves and our love?

What would happen if you, and you, and you, and you and i were to lay down those rules? If we set them aside and laid our hearts bare with all the honesty, and openness, disclosing all the fears, and trepidations, and uncertainties, the wants, and needs, and desires, bringing them all forth as they arose, what would happen to us? If we were to ignore all borders between friend and lover and let our hearts and our hands roam to the level and limit of each others comfort... what would we be? And would we, in our "hedonistic" and "sinful" life, be as happy as i imagine we could be?

Or, am i maybe just a naive and idealistic girl who will find herself hurt and alone? i hope not, because i care about you all too much for that.

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