Along with fucktard, cockbite, dickwad, douchebag, and jackass, asshat is a wonderfully spondaic profanity used by speakers of Late Modern English, especially on the Internet, for describing somebody whose complete lack of consideration toward others is only overcome by their similarly-impressive stupidity about how they perform their interpersonal disservices.

Much like a hat for one's posterior, the asshat is somebody whose presence, participation, and input in any given situation are unwelcome, unnecessary, and generally the sort of thing which leaves everybody else wondering whose* bright idea it was to invite this assclown to the party.

The following are some alternative profanities corresponding to other metrical feet, in case your choice of insult has meter in mind:

Dactyl - twatwaffle, asshelmet, cockwomble

Cretic (or amphimacer) - douchecanoe

Trochee - fucker, bastard

Ditrochee - motherfucker

Antibacchius - mouthbreather, cockjockey

Choriamb - sonofabitch

*It stands to reason that anybody who brings an asshat with them may be called an asshaberdasher, or, if the social group consists chiefly of women, an assmilliner. In this politically correct day and age, we can also opt for the gender-neutral "asshatter," as long as we are sure to pronounce the syllable break correctly.

Iron Noder 2016, 29/30