DO YOU NEED A FOLK REMEDY
FOR CRUSHING, EXISTENTIAL DREAD?
~ slap yourself in the face ~
~ drink a glass of ice water ~
~ eat a lemon or orange ~
~ at least twenty minutes of vigorous exercise ~
~ have some lemon and honey in your tea ~
or you could take JUST ONE TABLESPOON of
DR. RAINCOMPLEX'S
EXISTENTIAL MALAISE RELIEF
SYRUM AND TONIC
it was rejected by the FDA and is illegal in twelve states
ingredients:
-- three parts jellyfish --
-- one part extract of metaphor --
-- one part Cantor dust --
-- two more parts i can't remember what they are --
-- plus misc. spices to mask the flavor --
IS YOUR JOINT LANDLOCKED?
Procuring jellyfish might be difficult, but there is one way...
Deep inside the desert is a long forgotten jelly landfish. The jelly landfish is so forgotten that you can't see it if you don't know it exists. However, once you get past that catch-22, it is quite easily caught in a fine net or large plastic bag. Preparation is simple: cut away the fatty translucent guts surrounding the limbs until you get to the gooey purple muscles. Cut them in long strips and simmer until they turn yellow. Also, you can crush up the bones and use them in potions. The fat should be discarded as it is quite toxic.
NOT NEAR A DESERT?
SHOWER JELLYFISH are a lot easier to catch, especially if you have a colander.
DOES THIS SOUND TOO COMPLICATED?
Isn't there a pill or something?
THAT'S NOT EVEN FOUR SEVENTHS OF THE RECIPE.
Extract of metaphor is an ethereal liquid not unlike nitrogen. It can be found most easily in the Ivory Tower.
Cantor dust is everywhere, but it is mostly too fractal to collect without special apparatibus. You will need an EMPTY, SEALED Klein bottle, a Möbius tube, and some plain dust from a bookshelf to lure the Cantor dust. Insert the tube (preloaded with dust) through the top of the bottle, and simultaneously expose the vacuum. Your Klein bottle now contains 34% Cantor dust.
It is critical that you forget what the final two parts are, as the mixture will not coalesce properly otherwise.
STORAGE INSTRUCTIONS
Store in a cool, dry place for one month before consuming. Keep out of direct sunlight. DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN ONE TABLESPOON PER DAY. If you experience hallucinations, such as rifts opening to a reality which underlies our own, go directly to a hospital. Under no circumstances should you enter such a rift.
special thanks to
haqiqat