welcome home darling. we're having fondue for dinner tonight, again, watching the sun set and listening to the kid on the couch play guitar.

its cold on the balcony so we'll go out there later, we can wrap in a blanket and sit in a chair and share a smoke. it was a year ago the last time, it was snowing and it was further south, but the same players playing the same games while my car was getting snowed in, and i was still drunk and not looking forward to driving home, but i knew well enough to leave.

the drive was music and i was pounding on the roof, and you know how middle of the night snowstorms are like the best crisp daytimes, just more deserted? it was that, but i can't remember if i was crazy that night with lust or livid with hate, and i can't remember if i hated you or me. i just remember that bandana, and a wobbly goodbye kiss, and i remember eating black and white fondue, and i remember getting nutty about the stickers on your car's back window whenever i pulled up to have dinner.

nothing ever has to do with what's happening now, but you think it does. it's all just partial recollections of nights we left behind, of nights that have no place being brought up, of idle nights watching the snow. and in a life where there's nothing to do but watch the snow, those nights linger and end up here. the cards told me last night that the ships are coming in but the past is blocking their way, the cards know their shit.

you women are all back and forth, but you're probably better left in the back.

luckily for me, and my love for drama, we'll board this ride again. it ends where it starts, and starts again where it ended.

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