I don't want my daughter to fear sex. I don't want my son to feel entitled to sex. I want my children to have a healthy relationship with sex, I want them to enjoy it - I want them to respect it. And I want them to respect themselves and their partners.
Consent is key. I don't want my daughter to feel guilty about giving consent. I want her to be empowered and comfortable with her body - comfortable enough to be confident in any decision she wants to make regarding her own sexuality. I want my son to understand consent. I want both of my children to know that if both parties aren't on the same page - you have to stop what you're doing. My kids are 3 and 1, and if one of them says "No" or screams in pain or anger at what the other one is doing to them, I say: "When someone says No, you STOP what you're doing." I'm hoping that if I instil this one small rule in them RIGHT NOW - they will carry it throughout their lives. If my kids say "No" to ME, I stop what I'm doing too. If it's something that needs to be done, like ear cleaning or bathing or something, I will still stop - and re-explain what I'm doing and why I'm doing it before I continue. But if we're in a play-situation, I will stop the second they say "no", and we will do something else.
I never want my children to feel shame about their bodies or about their sexual desires. Sex is healthy and it's awesome. But it also has the potential to make a person feel completely awful…and I want both of them to understand that aspect of it too. I want to educate them about the physical risks of sex: pregnancy and disease. I also want to educate them about the mental and emotional risks of sex - including how it can affect self esteem if it's done with someone who doesn't respect them, as well as the perils of falling in love.
I am not of the mind that you should only have sex with someone that you're in love with. I think that is extremely unrealistic. Rather, I subscribe to the idea that as long as you are comfortable with the situation and you trust and respect the person/people you are with - then you should be comfortable having whatever sex you want to have with whomever you want to have it.
I want my children to know their worth. I want them to know that they are worthy of love and respect - and I want them to recognize that everyone else is worthy of those same things. But on top of love and respect, they are also worthy of desire. And they shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed of their desires, as long as they are in a fully consensual situation with people who are old enough and sober enough to give consent. I feel like boys and men are encouraged to have all the sex - and girls and women are discouraged from it - because it tarnishes them or something. It "ruins" them. I hope that I am able to dispel all the myths that abound in this society about female sexual expectations for my children. If you respect yourself and you seek out sexual partners who respect themselves - then whatever you decide to do is your business.