Before reading this node, I recommend reading up on Classical Conditioning and Pavlov's Dog. Then watch me reduce it into a shallow hedge science reference like Schroedinger's Cat.

  • Subject: two pastel green towels, Egyptian cotton
  • Stimulus: Pinkerton, Weezer's critically underrated second album
  • Desired Response: The towels should autonomously dry my naked body, with no effort required on my behalf
  • Duration: 6 month test period

The idea for this experiment came in the shower one morning. I waste a tremendous amount of time every day drying myself. If I could train my towels to do this for me, my life would be more efficient.

It was clear I would need some stimulus more powerful than the ringing of a handbell to condition my towels, due to their lack of ears. I plumped for Pinkerton as it has enough energy to do the task and, more importantly, it's something I could put up with listening to every morning. If I played the album to my towels while drying myself daily, over a six month period, then my theory states that they would associate drying my body with the music. Once this response is ingrained, merely listening to the album would cause my towels to rise from the chair and dry my body, leaving me free to think about more important things.

Every morning for the last three months, I've dried myself with the same two towels while listening (or more importantly while they listen) to the same album. No sign of independent movement yet, but I'm hopeful it'll manifest within the next three months.

Unfortunately, I'm now unable to listen to one of my favourite albums without rubbing myself vigorously with a towel, which causes problems at parties.

Essentially, how a neural network gets trained.

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