When the tragedy
occured, I was talking on the phone from work, at an elementary school
where I did an afterschool daycare program
. Just before I got on the phone, I had helped break up a vicious fight
between a 3rd grader and a 2nd grader. The horrible words that came out of them! The looks on their faces! They really wanted to kill each other
! I remember when I was in school (1982-1995), there were lots of fights
. I saw a boy break my math teacher's jaw in 8th grade
. I never would've thought he'd kill her. I think it surprised him that he hurt her at all! I never saw the murderous tendencies
that I see in some of the kids today.
Being a part of the "goth scene" in school (more punk or skater actually), I can understand how it feels to be treated like dirt because of my appearance and because of being active in theatre, band, choir, and environmentalism; I came from a football town! My feeling was always more like, "I can't wait to get out of here!" But I never felt the rage these kids now feel. I wish I could understand it.
I think I was pretty successful with the kids I worked with. Eventually I had to quit though, for a few reasons. One was that I was afraid. I thought a kid would kill me, or something. One of the main reasons I had to leave was the parents. I had a lot of kids with divorced parents, and they generally made it a point to talk negatively to their kids about their ex-spouse (I.E. "I'm gonna kill your dad!") These kids grow up in such a hateful environment, I guess it's no surprise they get driven to kill, you know?
I really feel for those kids, and I hope that my 2 years in daycare had a positive effect on a few of them so they don't feel compelled to live out hate and despair in the way that the kids in Columbine did. Those kids needed someone to give a rats-ass about them, and they never got it. While I don't by any means whatsoever condone what they did, I understand it, and I hope that the parents in that area learned that maybe they need to show their children a little more in their upbringing than, "You better cut that hair, and play football!"