When you’re transient, every year is full. I’ve filled it with change. I lived the early part of this year in silence, talking to a screen, dreaming of things real that were unreal. I kept losing and finding my voice, and each time it was saying something different and someone was being pushed away. Getting my web site
up helped in some ways and hurt in others
. Finding E2 did the same. I kept getting the itch to move, then soothing it over with some salve of comfort
. My home was dark and the world outside was only night sky. I fell in love with the mere concept of love
and staggered many months drunk on a hope whose end I would hasten with my own fear. I saw Massachusetts
for the first time in February, and Grand Rapids
in May. For the first time I picked people
up at the airport who flew here to see me, and saw them
The summer proved hot and unbearable. I moved into a brighter space and filled it with someone else’s things. I made a new friend in a way I never thought I would. I fell for the wrong guy at least three different times. I saw New York City, then Boston. I lived without soda for two weeks.
The end of the year careens to a close. I didn’t save a dime this year, but I went places, I did things. I wrote it all down, somewhere. I tried to stretch the year out to make it last, make it matter, but it closed in on me just the same. And I guess I’m just as ready as I could ever be. Are you?