Now don’t be rude, there’s no need for thoughts like that. I mean real cheese sauce, for putting on top of cauliflower, broccoli, damn near anything really.

This is extremely simple and any dumb-ass can make it – so if you’re a dumb-ass, give it a go!

Take a large pot and over a medium heat, put in the following:

  • about 100g butter (this is about 4 tablespoons)
  • when the butter is melted, but before it starts going brown, take it off the heat
  • keep adding plain flour and stirring it in until you get a butter/flour paste (hint: the thicker the paste, the thicker your sauce is going to be – but if it is too dry though, you’ll have a hard time with the next couple of steps)
  • put the paste back on the heat again and for the next few steps, keep stirring with a wooden spoon (I’ll tell you when to stop)
  • add about a cup of milk and stir in to make the paste a bit thinner
  • add another slurp of milk – about 4-6 cups should be enough
  • now add in all of the grated cheese, around 6-8 cups (hint: the more cheese you add, the better, but too much and it starts to get all stringy like a blob of melted cheese)
  • keep stirring, making sure you keep it from sticking on the bottom (hint: the secret is all in the stirring – the more you stir, the smoother and better your sauce will turn out)
  • when the sauce is at the right consistency, take it off the heat and taste it (hint: the most hygienic way to taste it is to use a clean spoon, or dribble it off your stirring spoon and put your finger under the flow to catch a bit)
  • add salt to taste (hint: adding salt will bring out the flavour of the cheese, so you won’t need to add as much cheese, and so it isn’t bland and milky/buttery/cheesy flavoured any more)
  • This sauce is great for on veggies (to hide that icky healthy flavour they all exude), in lasagne (made with boiled lasagne, this sauce, and Tarquinious’ Famous Chilli), and on sandwiches when it has cooled down and thickened.

    Have a go, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. I know I am…

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