This raucous, stupid, and unbelievably fun
game takes place in the juxtaposition of copious amounts of marijuana
, two or more people who crave recognition of their useless knowledge
and enjoy watching their friends ache and cringe, and a large stick for hitting
. Although met with ridicule and disbelief by the sober
, it manages to captivate stoners
of all ages with its smoky blend of pain and hilarity. Kind of a violenter Trivial Pursuit
There are few hard-and-fast rules
. One person must be nominated as a leader
, and accordingly "trusted" with the stick. The leader
asks questions of the other players, commonly known as Victims. If a person doesn't know the answer, the leader
gets to hit him* with a stick. Repeat as necessary.
For maximum effect, many variations on the simple formula can be applied:
Double, Triple, or Septuple Hitting Rounds tend to be met with complaint from the Victims, with the eventual result of a Stick Quiz Insurrection.
Lightning Rounds, in which each victim in turn must name another member of a set (like types of alien race, or things found in a fancy kitchen), tend to be less controversial, and add a great element of sweaty-handed hyperpanic.
Chaos Rounds, where he* who can grab the stick becomes the new quiz leader, quickly become everything that the name suggests.
Drink Quiz, in which every hit is accompanied by a shot of hard liquor and a change in posession of the stick, tends towards a level of madness that makes Chaos Rounds obsolete.
Missile Quiz, although well suited to governments wondering things about other governments, is thankfully out of the average pothead's reach.
Finally, rumors have been whispered of a bizarre variant called not hitting hard, but no further information has yet been unearthed.
Here are some categories of questions well-suited for Stick Quiz:
-- The Pop Culture Of Our Youth
-- Rock Music
-- History Of Chocolate
-- Do This Dance
-- Cool Things That Happened To Us
-- Impersonations Of Things
-- Can You Eat It All?
-- The Meaning Of Existence
-- Will It Fit In Your Nose?
These categories, sadly, come without recommendation:
-- Microeconomics (unless you are an Economist)
-- History of Finland
-- Why Are We Doing This?
As beauty resides in the eye of the beholder, so are the qualities of the perfect stick decided by the hand of the hitter. Springiness, weight
add their own factors to this complex game, and are up to the discretion of the players; however, the dried stalk of a healthy, full-grown outdoor pot plant
has been found to deliver a perfect thump.
Stick Quiz was first popularized in 1969 with the publishing of the official handbook for cannabis users, A Child's Garden Of Grass
. Specifically, the world was warned against it. One "example question" was provided, a template heavily built upon by the modern tradition.
Q: How many kinds of fish can you name?
However, cave paintings
and the oral traditions
of certain societies point towards the Quiz as a popular game played around the flickering hookahs
and campfires of antiquity. Although the questions were all along the lines of "Give me one good reason not to hit you," (still a popular line of questioning today) the spirit of the game was unchanged. As we approach the fiftieth anniversary of the game's modern resurgence, modern geopolitical developments make it more relevant than ever before.
That is not to say that Stick Quiz should be played. In the best of all possible worlds, Stick Quiz would be beaten bloody, boxed up, and thrown into the sea. This information should not be construed as recommendation. Think hard before you walk down the road of Stick Quiz... and if you play it, enjoy it well.
*Women have rarely been known to play Stick Quiz. The reasons for their abstinence are subtle and confounding.