I often enjoy browsing through flea markets and yard sales. This time of year is pretty bare of treasures, but there is always the chance that something unique or valuable might be stuck in that old shoe box of junk you bought for a dollar. It was recently during such a treasure hunt that I stumbled upon a document of historic significance. It purports to be the grade school report card of the 43rd President of the United States. In the interest of sharing history, I present that document.

Report Card- George W. Bush, grade 4

Sam Houston Elementary School- Midland, Texas


  • Geography: D

George shows signs of being challenged by his studies in geography. Specifically, he seems to have no concept of the different between a country and a continent. He has no idea of where the border between Texas and Mexico lies, and to a lesser degree the same holds true for the US/Canada border. He tends to lump all three nations together into an amorphous entity without borders.

George seems to grasp most of the concepts presented but has little enthusiasm for the subject. He completes his assignments but does not expand on the subject in any way, preferring to do the minimum required.

George grasps basic mathematical concepts except in areas related to money. He seems to not understand where money comes from, how it is earned, or how it may be spent.

  • American History: C

The student is unmotivated, especially in matters relating to the foundation of the nation. He had to be awakened during class when the subject was the Constitution and the limits it puts on the scope of federal government powers. We suggest that he be sure to get his proper rest to enable him to focus in class.

The student does not play well with others with the exception of his Hispanic classmates. He often insists on having his way and is not amenable to compromise. Some remark that his headstrong attitude is indicative of leadership while others remark that he is simply obstinate. He often shares lunch with his Hispanic friends-not his lunch, of course, but that of his other classmates.

  • Language arts/English: F
The student often seems unable to form a coherent sentence. He also quite often fixates upon a single word or phrase- his current favorite seems to be the word 'terror'.

The student enjoys physical activity, games, and sports. He excels in running and is quite good at dodge ball. Our coach remarks that "George can dodge anything sent in his direction!"

The student has several areas of strength as well as areas which need development. It is suggested that he spend more time with his assignments to help him master the subject matter. While his grades do not exhibit proficiency in key areas it is agreed by his teachers and guidance staff that he is capable of doing very good work. In many ways his chief obstacle is himself.

Hope for his progress is favorable. He has taken the initiative in seeking aid, and to that end has struck up friendships with 2 new students, namely Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. Our goal is, as always, helping our students achieve all of which they are capable.

Please feel comfortable in contacting our staff and/or administration for further consultation.

I thought of keeping the report card secret, hoard it all to myself. I thought of how much I'd probably dislike it if someone posted my own 4th grade report card for prying eyes. All these thoughts came to me in a rush. I was however overcome with a sense of duty toward history, a duty to reveal a significant part of our national data base. I can only hope that I've done the correct thing. History will be my judge.

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