A 2008 horror film from Canada.

They say horror movies show you your psyche. The 1950s was full of body snatchers and infiltration by people who look like us, but aren't us - shades of the Cold War and Russian spies.

The horror of Helter Skelter made us scared of cult weirdos and strange families with odd habits in the 1970s. 

The Atomic Age was full of mutant creatures from outer space, mutated by strange atomic radiation.

You get the drift.

So what are Canadians afraid of?

Well, according to a film about a shock jock working a rural Ontario radio station - which suddenly gets attacked by weird zombies (well, two of them) whose brains become infected making them want to chew other people's faces off: SPEAKING THE WRONG LANGUAGE.

Not making that up.

The movie has a cast of four people and most of the horror is off-screen: because rather than show blood, gore, or any danger to anyone - it's much nicer and more Canadian to have the "horror" consisting of "I'm holed up in the grain silo, eh, people er acktin all crazy eh, help" over phones and so forth and an infected person banging her forehead against a glass window. But realistically speaking, nobody's bum-rushing the studio, they decide to leave and "get out of here" not because they're under any particular threat but to try and stop people from speaking a bad language by literally transmitting gibberish and confusing their own language.

Because you see, somehow English has been corrupted by a virus and if you hear certain words, it makes your brain rot out but only if you're susceptible. First you say the same words over and over, and then you decide to eat someone else's mouth in order to get your language back, having had your consciousness turn to zombie mush.

No, it doesn't make sense, no, it's boring and stupid.

And your country has nothing but first world problems if you panic to the point of terror over the idea that someone might corrupt the precious purity of your French, or bring a Fruit Loops box into the country that doesn't have "Les Loops de Fruit" on the back. Seriously. Just go back to making stupid low budget comedies. Please.



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