I was prescribed Paxil on 12.06.00, by psychiatrist Alvin Burstein in Scottsdale, AZ. Apparent problems are chronic depression and mild bipolar disorder.

Days 1-7 - 10 mg paroxetine hydrochloride (yellow).
Days 8-?? - 20 mg (pink)

Day 1 12.06.00
Took the pill with some fettucine & spinach sauce I made, since it's supposed to cause nausea. Got sort of sleepy around 2100, which is not unusual since I get up around 0430. Felt floaty, though, and sort of slow. Maybe I'm just making it up. Went to bed at 2320, had a nightmare about my dad's family. Woke up at 0930. Feel sort of standard. Hope this stuff works.

Day 2 12.07.00
Went outside & walked up to the local corner store to buy a chocolate bar, pet a dog on the way back, watched some people playing basketball at the park. It was like a commercial. I had kind of a headache most of the day, and took the pill with some steamed veggies for dinner. Went to bed around midnight, and had more nightmares about my dad's family. This is not going to last very long if these dreams continue. Woke up at about 1045, this is totally too late for me to be waking up - I am going to have to start setting an alarm clock on my days off. Still don't feel much different.

Day 3 12.08.00
Still feeling pretty damn standard, low level melancholy. Tried reading for a while, but was a little too hyper-active to sit that still. My leg was jumping and then I got to twitching my fingers while I wasn't turning pages. I was getting about nowhere with it, and couldn't concentrate. Ended up going out to the mall, watching a movie, and doing some Christmas shopping. On the way home, felt rather dejected and lonely. Wish someone was home other than the cat. Time to take the pill. (later) - went out and had a couple of beers at the bar on the corner with my room mate Tony. Got home around 10 pm with a case of awful, awful, almost black diarrhea. Drank a glass of water, took a shower, and went to bed. No nightmares tonight.

Day 4 12.09.00 - Saturday
Woke up with a urinary tract infection. Not a good day to try and gauge my mood differences, since it hurts when I pee. Seems as though I'm getting mild headaches, though. Took my pill around 7 and hit the hay at 10. Had a very difficult time getting up on Sunday morning to go to work.

Day 5 12.10.00 - Sunday
I have been depressed all fucking day. My stomach hurts from pills for the UTI, and working for 12 hours is draining my soul. I would be drained at home, or anywhere else, I just don't want to be. Period. Funk in the periphery. I will leave work in an hour and take yellow pill number 5. And then I will crawl into bed and cry my miserable self to sleep. (later) Almost cried driving home. Got home, and watched the Ice-T behind the music and went to bed.

Day 6 12.11.00 - Monday
Woke up and didn't want to get out of bed. Bladder on fire. Went to work and took some more antibiotics for my UTI, they weren't helping. Called my regular doctor and he gave me the GOOD antibiotic, Levaquin. He gave me a double prescription of it, so that in 3 months when this happens again, I don't have to pay another $70. Nice doctor. Not feeling too shabby today. Does depression lift slowly, like peeling back the layers of an onion, or is it going to be an abrupt change one morning? Who knows. Time to go home and take the pill & get ready for bed.

Day 7 12.12.00 - Tuesday
Today was a stressful day at work, but tomorrow I'm scheduled for jury duty, so at least I won't have to think about getting up at 4:30 in the morning. Still feel pretty standard. Got home and went Christmas shopping with Darthnny, it was somewhat uneventful. Took the pill at 10 pm or so and went to bed - more bad strange dreams.

Day 8 12.13.00 - Wednesday
Another fairly standard day. Boyfriend's parents & sister & friend of family are in town for his graduation, and I had lunch with all the girls - Mom, Sis, and "Aunt." Went to bed late - His dad is blind and came in on a late flight at the airport. First day of the 20 mg pills. no real difference.

Day 9 12.14.00 - Thursday
One of my room mates bounced his December rent check for $350, and then a check for bills & Jan. rent ($450) so I'm pretty fucking pissed off. Good things happened, though - John graduated today, and I spent all day with his family again. It's odd to see his parents together - they've been divorced for about 15 years or so. Went to the bar with the whole gang after the ceremony, and got to be the designated driver. I figured it was best to be responsible around people I don't want to make a bad influence on. Still no major change. Also went to the dentist today - no cavities, and the doc said I have great teeth.

Day 10 12.15.00 - Friday
I woke up happy. No bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Visited my therapist, felt like I had nothing to tell him. It was sort of awkward. It was a good day, for once. I also decided to stop taking my pill at night, and start taking it in the morning - to see if it makes any difference.

Day 11 12.16.00 - Saturday
I did not wake up happy today. I started my period last night and was cranky all day long. Baked cookies, while pissed off. Hope it doesn't make them taste bitter.

Update January 10, after 2 weeks of constipation so severe I had dry heaves and lost 5 lbs as well as sexual dysfunction, my psychiatrist switched me off of Paxil and on to Celexa. Maybe I'll start a diary for that one.

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