I just got off the phone from a particularly disheartening conversation with human resources. For all the stories you hear where a woman just has to make one allegation and the man gets instantly reproached/ fired/ prosecuted, my company had to be the one to do things right.
The burden of proof shouldn't be on the accused; I actually agree with that, but then who is it on? In this case, it's me, yet he is the one who knows where the CCTV camera blind spots are, he is the one with a private office, and he is the one that wears a tie, not a polo shirt.
"These are some very serious allegations you're making, you realise?"
So I told them I was afraid. They said they were sorry. They said they would look at the CCTV. I said nothing happened where the cameras were. They said they would look anyway. I asked what would happen if there wasn't any evidence?
"Then... then well if there's not footage or witnesses there's not much we can do from an HR standpoint".
You can't do anything while I have choice but to put myself in perceived danger or be insubordinate.
You can't do anything while I move to my panic button when he walks in.
You can't do anything while he forcefully jabs my in the vagina and says he has "to see it".
Holy fuck. I don't deserve this. I can't believe this is happening to me. I've hated my job for a long time; I've threatened to call HR before; I've written angry daylogs, the vast majority of which never got posted, and I've had an internal 'to quit or not to quit' monologue more times than I can count. Last month I moved 200 miles up country and transferred to another branch. I hoped it would be different. It is. Holy fuck, it is.
I hoped by the time I got to this point I would have a definite conclusion or a way forwards, but I'm at a junction.
1) I go to my area manager and make this official, potentially ruining my career if the cameras show nothing.
2) I quit. I lose my only income.
3) I go to the police about the physical aspect and hope something can be done.
4) I do nothing and hope the situation deescalates by itself.