I woke up this morning to the expected sound of the cat meowing in my face. I patted him, told him to shut up and rolled back over. However this did not last long as the phone started ringing soon thereafter. It was my mom, she couldn't remember if I said I got up at 7 or 8, but she wanted to call me and let me know that my grandmother had died. It happened between 3 and 4 this morning. She went peacefully in her sleep. My youngest brother was going to school this morning. No reason for me to miss work today. The viewing would be Thursday night, the service Friday. No need to wear a suit. Slacks, nice shirt, tie. Too warm for a suit. Dad is fine. I love you. Dad loves you too.

I stopped to get doughnuts for the office this morning. Krispy Kreme is the best, especially when you see "Hot Doughnuts Now". My boss is out of town on vacation. I let the main team lead now that I would be out Friday, part of Thursday, and probably leave early this afternoon. I let him know my grandmother died. I've told a few other people since then as well. Usually the same reply of I'm sorry. My reply has mostly been "It's cool." My one friend told me I was smiling when I told him. It was because I felt ackward and silly. A loved one's death seems to be a hard subject to bring up in casual conversation, especially when you're offering someone a doughnut.

Life and Death. Mortality. Life's greatest mystery seems to be what happens when it's over. I've mostly given up on pondering that question. My own personal creed is to live life to the fullest. To enjoy the journey if you will, as opposed to obsessing about it's end. When it does end, there should be celebration, not mourning. Especially for those who have lived long lives( and perhaps not so much for those that have been cut short). Instead of dwelling on absence, cherish the memories. Certainly a person who has lived their life, trying to make others happy, would not want to make people sad with their very last act.

The same friend who told me I was smiling asked me what kind of funeral I'd want...


I'm not quite sure about the funeral yet, but I know what I want for the viewing. My casket should be set up to form a bar counter. With a buxom lass or two serving alcohol in bikinis over it. Dress code is strictly casual, Hawaiian shirt preferred. If your shoes have laces, you're too dressed up. Loud music. If the cops show up, then you know you're a success.


But of course, no matter how much one tries to keep high spirits, the sad feelings are never too far away. Maybe it's because people don't like change. Eventually, i'll end up crying. An odd mixture of happy and sad. Remembering the good times. Lamenting the loss of someone I cared about in my life. No regrets.


One of the best fortunes i've ever seen from a fortune cookie was "A good laugh and a good cry, both cleanse the soul." I expect a lot of soul cleansing in the next few days.


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