Yesteday was rough. It was my second day of observation at the practice that is attached to the school I attend. There was a new machine that milled permament crowns being tested so everyone was tense. I hadn't slept well, and my feelings were hurt after a woman pulled me aside and told me that my name had made its way into the job offer discussion, but I was considered too fragile for the current environment. Later on I saw her crying after she got yelled at for an item that was on backorder. I have a lot of thoughts about what happened without a good way to put them into words. There's a fear culture there. People are not empowered to make decisions on their own, people have been conditioned to anticipate the needs of others, it reminds me of a lot of other places I've worked. 

Today my neighbor took me out for chai after we went around for a walk around the lake. I said something uncomplimentary about it which was pretty rude now that I think about it. I say things without thinking about how they might be taken, it was sweet of my neighbor to give my daughter a ride to school and invite me to walk with her, she didn't have to buy me anything afterward, I have a lot to learn from her. I have a lot to learn from my daughter, I have a lot to learn from a lot of people. Today I'm going to watch the children in after school care. I'm regretting agreeing to it, I have to learn how to say no to things that I don't feel comfortable doing. It's helping the principal out, but there's something about the experience that is making me angry and irritable. 

I don't know why I'm listening to sad songs today. I feel good that I got out and took a walk. I went to knitting club, spent eight hours observing which is three hours beyond what I needed, I think one of the things that was hard was meeting the woman who showed us how to use the new scanning system and software. She's very thin, sharp, and works hard. I guess I'm kind of jealous of her because of her accomplishments and achievements, but I really don't know anything else about her. Her success doesn't take anything away from me, but it feels like I won't be able to get to where she's at which is kind of silly when I think about it. I can tell that dental office is doing things that others aren't, she's a product of that environment and now I can ask if she would like to be my mentor. I need to put my jealousy and envy aside and move forward with confidence. So I will. 

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