Today I met up with a friend of mine. The place we had chosen to meet closed shortly after I arrived so we sat in her car for a while. She asked about work, I hadn't wanted to talk about it, but once I started, I couldn't stop. It sounds weird, doubtless there are other versions out there, but this is my perception of what happened. Our general manager told me that I was stressed out and that was affecting the people around me. Fair enough I thought even though I could think of many people who were much worse in this area than I believe myself to be. One person in particular snaps and looks irritated even if all you do is knock on the door. I was also told that I wasn't progressing. Normally when people get demoted there are two other things that I'm missing. Verbal conversations about failing to meet expectations, and possibly written warnings referring back to the job duties and how the person who is being relieved of their current responsibilities is failing to meet them.
The reality is I made a lot of people look bad. I didn't see it that way at the time, and I'll even pause and say that this could be me trying to slap some salve on a bruised and wounded ego which doesn't mean that my statement is untrue. Not long after I started the position I just left a gentleman from corporate told me that I had boosted morale in three short weeks. Good managers listen to their employees, they get to know them on a personal level because what happens at home can have a large impact on what goes on at work. Great managers recognize that the workforce they have is valuable even when they know that they are underperforming. Exceptional managers take a look at company policies and procedures, who is doing what, the overall structures in place, paperwork flow, whether or not things actually need to be done, or we are doing them simply because that's the way we have always done things.
I didn't set out with a mission to get people I didn't know on board with my schemes to make us more efficient, I showed up, worked hard, threw a bunch of things I didn't feel we needed away, and made sure that the people I was working with understood that I had the ability to influence their paychecks, and that was a high priority in my life. I controlled a lot of the controllables and tried to minimize damage when there were things in place that loomed beyond my control. It wasn't active resistance at first. People told me that the things I wanted to do either couldn't be done, or that they wouldn't stay that way even if what I wanted to do could be accomplished. For those who don't know, I worked in the service drive as the appointment coordinator. That was my official title, but I felt that was stupid so I typically told people that I was in scheduling which seemed more accurate if less glamorous.
Initially I hated it and wanted to quit. Scheduling is a lot more difficult than I imagined it could be, but it was also the way that the job duties were set up that made it what it was. Possibly I will circle back to that later, maybe not. One of my main goals was to organize the vehicles that came in for service; partially because I love organizing things, however in this case I could see how disorganization was costing us insane amounts of money. Parking is at a premium so a lot of people argue that it doesn't matter how organized we are, because there will never be enough spaces. I disagreed and countered with the fact that since space was so scarce it was vital and critical that we maximize every inch we had. One guy who was on my side somewhat told me I'd need a group of people and it would take all day. He seemed to know what he was talking about so I tried rounding up a group of people that are far from overworked in my humble opinion.
When I didn't get far with them I abandoned the project for a bit thinking that maybe the naysayers knew something I didn't, it's entirely possible to underestimate how large and complicated a project is, especially when it's not an area where you are an expert. One Saturday I decided to go in and say a few things in a sales meeting. I have no idea how I came across other than two people in particular were happy to see me, one of the managers, and the guy who had sold a vehicle to a woman I passed along as a lead after learning that her vehicle needed $13,000.00 USD worth of work. While I was there I figured I could start organizing the lot, more for kicks and because I like a challenge than I ever believed such a thing was going to be possible. There's a guy who helps out in the service drive on Saturdays which are rarely busy although they can be, depending on who is scheduling.
It wasn't the warmest day and I began to have second thoughts and regrets even though we made progress right away. He had ideas, I shared mine, and then we were met with a stroke of accidental brilliance that still warms me to the core of my innermost veins and arteries. Not long ago we had hired a new guy who worked back in the car wash. I saw him walking across the lot, I was getting sick at the time and would eventually come down with a case of walking pneumonia, but that day it was a matter of losing my voice so I asked the guy I was with who he was and to find out whether or not we could get him to help. Thankfully, he wasn't that busy although he mentioned he'd have to leave if he had work to do. Right away he understood what others hadn't; that this project was going to be extremely difficult unless you had the type of vision and mental capacity to see things that aren't currently there.
The three of us worked together in bad weather, moving vehicles is tedious work, once again I doubted the sanity of taking on a project of this magnitude, however several hours later I invited our general manager on a short tour so he could see what we had accomplished. There were two vehicles we couldn't move. One needed a new engine, another had been towed in and left in the wrong spot, a perpetual problem I feel that we could manage much better, but apart from those two exceptions, everything else was lined up in neat and orderly rows. Grouping like things together is Organization 101; and I was so proud of what we had done, and in such a short time with so few people. Our GM told me that I had lofty ideals, words to that effect at least, and I explained that it was going to save us time, money, and reduce stress levels by increasing our profitability. This was so obvious to me I hardly believed I needed to say the words out loud.
Time went on and of course the format didn't last. Primarily because the people taking vehicles out of the service drive didn't want to keep up with what we had done. Had I been in charge I would have fired several people, and I'm surprised that the people who were most affected by this didn't rise up and speak out as it was their income that was being negatively impacted. Time marched on, I got a lot sicker, and one day I said - fuck it, I'm leaving early. I went home, fell into bed, and slept for an unknown quantity of hours. I was angry at myself for not doing the things that I normally did to get things ready for the next day, looking back I invested too heavily in things that were not actually my job, but since I wanted the results I was willing to put in whatever was required of me. The next morning I came in to a sight I have never seen before, or since then.
Normally our lot is a fabulous study in what not to do. Random vehicles are parked haphazardly, people may or may not know why a particular vehicle is where it is, keys are an entirely different matter. Sometimes people park within the lines, whoever painted the stripes on our lot did a shit job and now they don't line up with the building which is the way most people want to park. Whenever it snows you can't see the lines anyways, we have to have places to put the snow, and if your spot is taken by someone else, most people will just steal a different spot. It's chronically tiresome, and I'm one of the few people willing to park in an inconvenient spot rather than take the next closest one. Before I get into how amazing that particular morning was I want to back up and say that I went to our GM with my ideas and concerns. When he said that one person couldn't organize the lot, especially a part time employee, I agreed, not imagining it was possible back then.
That morning I drove up to see a smooth paved expanse of empty parking spots out front, you know, the way that it should be if people would follow some of the rules about where to park vehicles and when. That right there was enough of an anomaly for me to sit up straighter. I drove in back and saw rows of vehicles in perfect order, not just in the correct spots, but spaced correctly, and aligned so precisely it was like an orchestra where each note is in perfect harmony with all the other ones. I took pictures and sent them along with the caption - This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And that was true on many levels. Almost anyone who works there can park a vehicle, to see someone elevate that humble and thankless task to heights I hadn't dreamed or believed possible was moving, practically a spiritual experience.
There's something to be said for people who can work together to create something new, an order that hadn't existed previously. I crossed departmental lines to make a lot of this happen, and as you just heard, I didn't do it all by myself either. I lobbied for people who were repeatedly marginalized, neglected, and criticized. I went to meetings and said my piece, leaving after that was done except for the one time when someone else was running things and didn't let me speak first. It gave me a chance to see what others experienced when they were sat around the conference table, and it was not pretty. We waded through a three page handout and listened to a bunch of - do this, don't do that, blah, blah, blah..., it was beyond ridiculous and I was so mad because I loved the people that were being flamed. One guy sitting near me passed me a note saying that he was going to be off the following day. I didn't know it then, but that would cause big drama as well.
So how does someone who is respected, valued, and reinvents a position demoted? One theory I have is that I upset status quo, and a lot of the people in charge would rather have 'yes' people who look the part go through the motions than movers and shakers like me who refuse to listen to people who tell me that organizing the lot can't be done, if it can be done it will take inordinate amounts of time, and at least double, or possibly even triple or quadruple the number of people we had to get things done. Our service manager sent me the following text; "Hi Jessica! The lot looks AWESOME! It's a much neater job than I would have done, & I like it! Thank you for taking the time and coming in to take care of it. We all appreciate all of your efforts to make us all better! Have a beautiful weekend!!" He also sent the winking face emoji and this sounds nice, but when I showed up that morning he argued with me about having permission to rearrange things as if I needed it.
We had discussed this previously, he claimed we hadn't, but I very clearly remember standing in his office and him being one of the doubting Thomas types who was dubious that the number of vehicles could be corralled. Apparently he changed his tune after he saw how many free spaces we cleared up by getting cars that needed service into the shop, putting the vehicles that were finished where they belonged, and organizing the remainder by brand and type. I was furious when I realized that his pretty words meant nothing; I went back into his office to explain that one of the people who was responsible for parking service vehicles once they left the drive wasn't adhering to the new plan, and his response was that there weren't spots to be had. Since the lot can fill up quickly I gave him the benefit of the doubt initially, then walked back there to take a look for myself, noticing that he had told me a flat out lie, and there were spots, but some dumb ass had refused to back vehicles up to create openings in front of them.
Rather than reward us as a team I was demoted; and not just stripped of my title and responsibilities, I was given hours that made it clear to me that I was being punished. My new schedule sucks, and I'm not sure I will ever get used to closing Monday through Thursday, having off on Friday, and working all day on Saturday. The organization does not prize efficiency or I would be given a much larger role than I have now. They like the tattletale spy types who go back to them with stories about how I did or did not do something, and perhaps those things are even true, but as most people will understand, we are all human, and sometimes what is an offense to one person is actually smart, or not a big deal to another. I was far from perfect, however I did not deserve to be demoted, or treated as poorly as I have been. I showed them what was possible with very few resources, and maybe I was more of a threat to people in power than I ever realized. I don't really know.
My friend said something similar happened to her when she covered a maternity leave. She came in, found out that the person whose job she was doing wasn't actually doing much of anything, cleaned shit up, organized the fuck out of things, took on additional responsibilities, and learned the hard way what happens when you mess with someone who doesn't want to be unveiled for the slovenly lazy worker that they actually are. Now that I've shared my 'poor me' story, it's time to put the new life lessons to work. I have some options, and I'm considering them carefully. For now I have a job, the guy who is my organizational twin, but also sees things I don't and might miss works two jobs. I don't know how he does it, but he makes it work, probably because he is a very special type of person. I can try this, I've already started looking, either I can keep the job I have as a full time opportunity, or I can see if transitioning elsewhere makes more sense.
I've felt my feelings, gotten over the flu, reflected that it could be worse, and am ready to go back online, redo my resume, and put myself out there again. I'm sure there are many people who aren't particularly sad that I fell from grace so to speak. Nobody has been overtly rude about it, but there are some smug and self satisfied looks on a couple faces, and since they aren't coming from people I respect in the first place, it's more amusing than anything. I really do not give a fuck about most of them, however, and this is important, the person who was initially offered my job is now my boss, and I'm positive that this will be a very interesting experience as in the; may you live in interesting times sort of way. But whatever, I've been there long enough to not fear her too much, I've been fired from bigger and better places, and I have been towing the company line despite my wishes to keep improving the place. I'm just quieter about what I do now.
One thing I feel like I should mention is the people who lost out on having me as their scheduler. Several of them let me know how they felt, others haven't said, but have been generally supportive or friendly in other ways. The guy I had been crushing on avoids me like a newly diagnosed Corona victim; but he still has all of the paintings up that I gave him so I'm not really sure what to think. It could be that he thinks less of me, but when you really love and care about someone, and something bad befalls them, it's way worse than having it happen to you personally. Again, I'm not really sure what is going on, but I'm definitely getting a withdrawal and isolationist vibe, and that makes me sad. It doesn't seem be to be just me, perhaps he has shit going on in his life, but it feels related which doesn't necessarily make it so, these are just my thoughts on the subject.
It used to be so much fun to walk through their space, I felt good there, respected, part of the group without being one of the guys exactly. I did things for them, they talked to me, we had a good thing going, and again, I'm not sure if I'm imagining this, seeing things I want to see, or the place is actually more dismal, but the energy there seems to be at an all time low. There's a lack of good vibes, a missing element of camaraderie, joking around, the things we did on a regular basis are either not happening, happening less frequently, or it is possible that I'm just not around to see and participate in it anymore, I think I wrote about one of the guys giving me a mug that says; KINDNESS on it, I never expected that, especially not from him. I got people to open up, we had some serious conversations, some great moments including hugs and embraces that I will always remember if my mind stays with me in my old age, and given my family history, it might not. Tomorrow is another Monday. There are still many good things about where I work, but I will save those for another day since I need to get to bed.
I had a ton of fun painting this weekend, I'm glad I did that for myself.
Xoxo,
J
P.S. Thank you to all who read and were encouraging, I am grateful for the support and value the uplifting commentary. Kudos to you.
j
- Once upon a time, we were strangers,
- working at the same place, not knowing
- each other's names, favorite colors, foods,
- the way arms can wrap around the waist or
- shoulders of another in times of distress,
- trouble, or simply because we needed
- to be reminded that other hearts beat
- just as ours do. Today you will not see me
- and I probably won't see you, but trust
- that you are in my heart just as I am in
- your thoughts, most likely against your will.
- Thank you for being receptive to the
- paintings, laughing at my jokes, and
- sharing what you did with me. It makes
- me sad to think about what we had,
- as if something sacred, precious, and
- beautiful was torn from us, but I know
- that you, and I, will never be separated
- in any of the ways that actually matter
- I haven't always loved you, but going
- forward, know that you can count on
- my love just like I can count on your
- expertise, your knowledge; your
- battered sweatshirt, I always wondered
- what color it was originally. Every time
- my brakes keep me from a collision,
- my tires squeal on the pavement, or
- I pull into my parking spot with less
- precision than you would, I'm reminded
- of the good times we had, the not so
- good ones too, but like I wrote in my
- letter, let's focus on the moments we
- had, the gluten free brownies, the
- appointments I scheduled that messed
- with the way you preferred things done,
- maybe I made a lot of mistakes, but
- I always cared and accepted you for
- who you are today while believing in
- the potential you possess that will
- guide you toward a brighter and better
- tomorrow. Xoxo, Jess