It bothers me when people talk about patients as though they have become their disease/surgical procedure. At times, I have heard things like "Someone go check on the guy with cancer" or "someone should probably get hernia repair lady some more water". These are of course broad generalizations and perhaps exaggerations.. but then again, perhaps not. In fact I am sure I have heard some variation of both of those at least several times.

It bothered me most when used in reference to patients with anorexia nervosa. People are people. With names. If you only have 4 or 5 patients assigned to you in total, how difficult is it to remember their names? Perhaps I'm being harsh. Judgmental. I don't know. I just hope some day everyone doesn't become a surgical procedure or medical condition in my head. Fingers crossed. Two more months of class time, a few months of consolidation, and a provincial exam. This is all that stands between me and an R in front of the PN. Crazy.

This program went by very quickly and I am definitely not the same person I was when I started. I'm not sure what this means or where I will end up. While I have found myself surprisingly competent to complete a lot of the basic tasks I was afraid to do, I still don't know that I really love wounds as much as some of my classmates seem to.

Mental Health appeals to me on so many levels except.. it seemed to cause a number of my own little closeted mental health issues to resurface. Perhaps they never left and I have simply been trying to ignore them. Either way, I worry that it will interfere with my ability to work in mental health. I suppose I'll find out eventually as it is the field I intend to go into.

Lately I have become obsessed with my weight, and my body, and how unhappy I am with it. I spend so much time agonizing about it. And for no reason in particular other than my desire to not be looked at or laughed at or singled out. I just want to blend in. I don't even have that much weight left to lose, really, but I can't stop thinking about it most times. This seems petty and ridiculous compared to the other things that are going on in my life and yet I can't shake it. I am so tired most of the time that exercise gets put aside for homework or staring blankly hoping to achieve some level of relaxation. The truth is I am usually happy, and understanding that chemical imbalances are often responsible for my fluctuating moods is oddly comforting.

I have developed an odd but amiable relationship with many of my nursing student classmates. I have also learned that I am not alone in my general feelings of anxiety over the responsibility that comes along with a nursing career. I think they have mostly come to accept my unrelenting sarcasm and peculiar sense of humour, too. This sort of thing has never been easy for me and so it is at once satisfying and unsettling.

I guess I just felt like rambling on a little. Nothing of great importance to say, just that I do promise to try and never forget that people are people.

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