Ah, so what have I been thinking about lately...

I spend a lot of my time thinking about her. I haven't seen her for about 2 and a half weeks, and it doesn't look good about seeing her this weekend. The weekend afterwards I will probably go home and I mentioned this to her. She wants to go, but doesn't know for sure. Also, she is allergic to cats, so I will have to ask mom and dad to clean up the house as best they can. It would be good to see some of my friends from home as well. She is moving down to Cincy saturday and will be hanging out with two of her former roomates. I have to work saturday, but I think I could've gotten off if I tried. She wants me to come, but for some reason I think she should spend time with her friends as opposed to me. I thought about going to her parents house friday night and helping her move saturday, but I don't know if I want to do all that, especially since I was in Cincy last weekend. If I don't see her in a week and a half, the following weekend is Bo's graduation party, so hopefully she will come with me to that

I have also been wondering if living by myself was such a good idea. I get lonely quite a bit, but during the week, it shouldn't because I have so little time to myself. I get bored at work quite a bit and think about my former roomates and her a lot. I get sad. I miss them. I never thought I'd say it, but I miss the daily social interaction.

Monday I get to work by 7am, work until about 4:30, go lift and run for about an hour, go home, shower and eat, then either study, clean up the apartment or watch TV. This gives me about an hour or two to myself before I'm in bed by 10.

Tuesday I work from 7-4, go to class, run, then the usual shit at the house unless I have to work at the bar. In which case I try to take a nap before working from 11pm-3am.

Wednesdays and Thursdays are the same as Tuesday except that I lift on Wednesdays and I don't work at the bar either of these days.

Fridays I work from around 7-2, because I work a little over the rest of the four days. I then lift and run, maybe swim a few laps, then I go to happy hour for a bit and see what my friends are up to.

The summers are pretty boring in Dayton, but maybe the last two have seemed more exciting because I was living with people. Coincidentally or not, I have been posting on E2 quite a bit more. It's not real content, but more of a semi-weekly blog. I use it more as therapy because I think there's a lot more wrong with me than I will admit to myself. I think writing about it helps.

Some of the things I think about:

Is she cheating on me? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? Am I good enough for her?

Should I have gone to grad school? What is my thesis going to be? Am I going to be able to find a job when I'm done? Will I be able to finish in a year like I want to? Where am I going to live? Does she want to live with me if/when I get a job? What will her/my parents think about that?

I have explained before that I used to not think about anything. I don't know if it was because I didn't care, but I didn't spend any time thinking about shit that didn't matter. It could be that I am growing up...maybe this is supposed to happen as you get older. I hope it doesn't mean that I have mental issues or that I am insecure about things but won't admit it to myself. I have no idea. I continue to try to figure out what the hell is going on in my head.

Thanks for listening.

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