I could list my favourite songs. I could list my favourite foods. I could even tell you about my family. But you really don't want to read that, do you? I could talk about myself, but then I'd sound up meself. I could go on and on about things I wont be saying here, but I wont. Here, I'll talk about my turtles for a while.
I have two turtles. They are good. They are nice. They wiggle sometimes, only when you pick them up. They are still little fellows. One, the bigger one, is called Joey. Don't tell Samson, but Joey is my favourite. I found him. Don't tell the city council. I don't have a liscence. I have two illegal turtles. Anyway, Joey, as I said, is the larger of the two, and he's more outgoing. Samson is the scaredy cat of them both, and he always tucks his head in beside his shell when I get close to him. "Silly Samson," I say. "I'm just here to give you some ham!" The turtles love ham. They race each other to the ham, and take a bight. Once, Joey bit Samson's head, because Samson was too close to the ham. I took Joey out of the water and let Samson eat it. I told Joey he was naughty but I don't think he listened. What a cheeky little rascal!
The best thing I ever did see on TV was the infomercial about E-pen.
If I had a dog, we'd frolic on the oval all afternoon. He'd be an inside dog.
Update: I have a dog. Her name is Piper, and she's an outside dog. Because of her, I'm now an outside person. We frolic on the beach every weekend, and we frolick at the dog park every single day, for an hour. She's a weimraner-cross. She knows how to sit, lie down, roll over, stay, and ARMY CRAWL. Update: She can also shake, play dead, sit pretty, stand up, weave between my legs and high-ten. She's so clever! Playing fetch is her favourite. She loves Dad because he's the boss. Every night before I go to bed, I go outside and tuck Piper in. I sit on the ground and she curls up on my lap (but she always rolls off because she doesn't fit). If I'm wearing my long pants she'll play with the bit of string attatched to the front. She always licks my face. When I pat her in her ear she moans and rubs her head on my hand. I wish she was allowd inside. When I talk to her she closes her mouth to listen, but only when she's lying on my lap at night. I tell her stories. I tell her about how her birthday is on the 16th of August. I ask her what her story is. I feel sad for her. I want to know if she loved her previous owners. I want to know if they loved her. I want to know if she misses them. I want to know if sometimes I do things that remind her of them. I want to know what her name was. I want to know why she was on the streets. I want to know how she came to be so friendly. I want to know why she's so stubborn. I want to know why she's so nice to me. I hope I'm not loving her too much.
How to make a plate of nachos: Get some Doritos, preferable nacho-style or cheese-flavoured. Spread them over your plate. Good! Now grab the tomato sauce (it's important to have it in a squeeze bottle, or you'll get clumps of it on some chips and none on others). Okay, squirt a little sauce over the chips. Make sure every chip has some. Come on, a bit more... more... keep going... SETTLE DOWN, do you want nachos with that tomato sauce?! Gee. Okay, now find the grated cheese. I suggest using Tasty Cheese, but parmasin is okay if you HAVE to use it. Cover everything with cheese, if you're normal. If you don't like cheese that much (like me), you shouldn't put so much on. Okay, good! You can put a bit of sweet chilie sauce on it, if you're into that sort of thing. Now you can stick it in the microwave for one minute. Watch it go round and round. See the cheese melt, and the sauce bubble a bit. Yum. Okay, take your plate of nachos out and take a picture. Smell it. Drool a bit. Now gobble it up!
E2 is like a secret cubbyhouse, where I go to relax, get away from everything, and let my imagination run wild. Unfortuately, it runs so wild I can't catch it and hold it long enough to turn it into a string of words that'll... dammit, I've lost what I was gonna say.
When I appear in the catbox everyone goes "shh, don't talk about MATURE stuff, sex sex sex sex." It's amusing.