In 1954, Dr. Fredric Wertham's book Seduction of the Innocent told America of the ill effects that comic books have upon the youth of America. The result was the Comics Code Authority, a series of rules governing the content of America's comic books. It is the reason that Batman hasn't just offed the Joker after all of these years, saving himself and the people of Gotham City an awful lot of grief. It is the reason that Archie is the most frustrated teenage boy in the history of teenage boys, having made out with both Betty and Veronica for 30+ years and never having made it to first base with either one of them. And it is responsible for the invention of indestructible pants.

The members of a strikeforce organized by the Comics Code Authority carefully monitor the activities of the super-hero community. When a person encounters a meteor, secret formula, lab experiment gone awry, nuclear detonation, or other outside factor that causes them to grow in size and stature to immense and heroic proportions, they immediately issue them a standard pair of indestructible pants. These pants are to be worn at all times with no exceptions. They have the ability to withstand not only the transformation of Bruce Banner, poster child for the 98 lb. weakling, into the Hulk, that two-ton green behemoth, with only a strategically placed rip in the knee, but they will also withstand the impact of a landmass the size of Texas upon said behemoth without visible effect.

Furthermore, the transformation of Kirk Lanstrom, scientist extraordinaire, into the inhuman Man-Bat does not cause said pants to split, tear, or in some cases, wrinkle. Langstrom's shirt tears apart like wet Kleenex, but his pants can withstand going 10 rounds with Batman and suffer no ill effects.

The reason for the invention and distribution of the indestructible pants is obvious: it is difficult to look heroic if your naughty bits are hanging out. The Hulk, despite his massive proportions, would be reduced to the stuff of tabloid journalism should Bruce Banner switch to Sansabelts instead of his aforementioned garment. Rather than the headlines of the great Southwest reading Hulk Destroys National Guard Forces Outside Flagstaff, the headline would more likely read Holy Flagstaff! Naked Green Man Seen Leaping From Fight In Desert. Hardly the stuff of legends.

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