Horoscopes are a complete mystery to me. It's not due to their accuracy or cryptic foresight, though. I put about as much stock in horoscopes as I would marriage advice from Joe diMaggio (the man married Marilyn Monroe and then supposedly drove her insane and to alcoholism): no, thanks. And yet I still read them and go "Huh..." when something of slight relevance crosses my eyes. I don't believe a word of what the astrological prognosticators say, yet it's the first thing I look for on the crossword page of a newspaper. It must be my Gemini tendencies: distrust and curiousity in tandem; or so my astrology guide says.

Horoscopes, to me, are like portents of a train wreck or Biblical prophecy. You may think you know what they're talking about, but the truth is that you're no more knowledgable than you were at the age of five.
"Today you will achieve success."
The only thing successfully done that day, however, may be the brushing of teeth. Late to work, get fired, car breaks down, late to pay rent because of broken car (and cost to get it fixed, which will be done next week), get evicted, choke on every cigarette, spill every drink- but, by God, you're sporting those pearly-whites like nobody's business! Congratulations, there's your success!

The trouble with prophecy of any kind, Divine or otherwise, is that hindsight is 20/20. Only once the fateful event has come and gone can you rightfully say, "Aaaah... so that's what it meant." This is why I read my horoscope at the end the day- so I can view it with reflection rather than anticipation because as much as I don't believe in it, I feel somewhat honor-bound to at least give it a chance to make me smile. Besides, if I read my horoscope at the onset of each day it really wouldn't matter; I'd be too distracted by other things throughout the day- especially when the left wing of a DC-10 falls on my head- to recall the ominous admonishment "Beware of falling objects." By that thinking alone, reading my horoscope at the end of the day could be considered a safety precaution. But I don't believe in them!

Why set myself up for a crushing (literal, figurative- you decide) disappointment by reading something I don't trust? Entertainment, I guess.

Conclusion: Based on the exacting probability that I'm not the only person who thinks astrology is hogwash, either I'm too damn cynical to appreciate it or I need to look for more interesting forms of entertainment- perhaps needlepoint? At least with needlepoint I have something to show for my effort. I put out the effort to read, then understand, a horoscope and the only thing I'm left with is a sort of smug "awareness" that no one else (even people who are also Gemini) will be able to empathize with unless I spell it out for them- and by then I sound a nutcase to most people.

If I did believe in horoscopes, I'd probably keep it to myself.

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