This is how the female character from even the moon was wrong saw things. She's talking to a girlfriend and it looks like they've drunk most of a bottle of tequila.

I saw John last night.

The guy who had the hots for you in college?

Yah. He was Bill's friend, well still is. They were kind of ... er ... competing, y'know? I often wonder what would have happened if I'd chosen him instead of Bill.

So what exactly made you choose Bill? Hahaha!

Well you won't believe this but he read me a Shakespeare sonnet.

Fuck! No! Accountancy Man?

Haha. Yeah. For real. The boring bastard didn't give me a rhyming couplet since.

Hehehe. Oh baby! Give me your iambic pentameter. Oh oh oh!

Ahahahaha ah aha. Anyhow. So a few days back John called me and asked me if I wanted to go to the woods with him to see the bats there. Yeah right. Like I want to look at those flying fucking rodents. But y'know "Come to the woods with me at night, baby." I knew what that meant and I said "yeah". So we got there. And can you believe it? The stupid fuck really did want to watch the fucking bats.

Jesus! How exciting.

Anyhow, after we finished up watching the bats I turned to him and ... like ... made to give him a little peck on the cheek. Then I really kissed him.

Oh yeah? What did Batman do?

Well the bastard looked horrified. He actually stepped back from me like I had a disease or something. The fuck.

Awww ... you poor thing. What a prick.

Well, I guess I had quite a lot of emotional energy invested in this guy. So when he did that to me, I lost it a bit. I was crying. I mean, really crying my fucking heart out. So he puts his arms around me. Well at last. Signs of fucking human emotion. Then something weird. First he starts crying. Then he holds my head in his hands and stares into my eyes. I think he was trying to communicate with me. Like fucking telepathy or something. I have no idea what he was saying. Next thing I know he's grabbing at my clothes. He wants it right there.

Shit! Hehe. Well, Plan Fucking A!

Yeah. So he pushes me against this tree ...

... he fucked you against a tree? Fuck! I mean ... hehe ... what was the ... er ... trunk like? Hahaha.

Ahahahaha! Well I'll say this for him ... he might be an emotional cripple but he sure knows how to fuck a girl against a tree.

Hehe. So you gonna see him again? Tree Fucking Man!

Fuck no! Hahah. Well ... nah ... I don't think so. I mean, I needed to resolve how I felt about him. But now I can see what the last five years could have been like. He is so isolated from his emotions. He is a mistake I avoided. Anyhow, I met this cute, interesting guy at the poetry reading ...

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