Now don't let this title fool you, I'm all for learning new things but I have noticed a downside to having knowledge that's above the middle school level. I'm sure you are familiar with the basic concept, it goes something like this:


Elementary School Math Teacher:


Ok, kids. These are numbers. They're pretty simple, you can add them together, subract them, mulitply them and divide them. That's pretty much all there is to them.

*Students stare at teacher for a moment then resume coloring their assignments*


Middle School Math Teacher:


Alright everyone, remember how we told you that math only had numbers...well that's not exactly true because there are these letter-things called variables. There's no need to panic though, in the end they turn out to be numbers after some math magic.

*Students stare at teacher blankly and then continue to doodle in the margins of their notes.*


High School Math Teacher:

√ -1 = i

Listen up. This is called an imaginary number.

*Teacher watches as students' brains burst into flames as a result of math-hysteria induced spontaneous combustion*


Because of this basic concept, high school and college level knowledge dramatically changing your view of the universe. And due to this concept, I can no longer watch old Disney movies and just bask in the nostalgia. Every single time I watch one of my favorite movies from when I was a kid, I spend about 95% of the time thinking "If this was real life..."

The "If this was real life..." game has totally ruined any chances I have of enjoying a movie from my childhood. I'm sure most of you have played this game with a TV show or movie before. And as you probably know, it can be very distracting and ruin the movie for those few moments where you get lost in your own brain. Usually this "game" is only played once or twice a movie then you can get on with your entertainment once the distraction is gone. Unfortunately, for some reason, everything in old Disney movies is distracting to me.

I'm not even talking about the whole "magic" thing that's usually present in Disney movies. The things that bug me while I'm watching are more historical and practical I guess would be the way I would describe it. For example, anytime there's a girl in medieval times (I'm talking to you Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and Hunchback of Notre Dame plus many others) who won't take any crap from the male characters, all I can think is "If this were really medieval times, you would be beat down so fast your head would spin, honey."

I can't concentrate while watching Hercules because of the inaccurate portrayals of the Greek pantheon and how it deviates from the actual Hercules myth. Though considering what really started Hercules' quest, I can see why Disney avoided that, but it wouldn't have killed them to be more accurate with the gods' personalities. It's still a good movie but while watching it I correct the faulty characterizations of the Greek gods in my head. (And sometimes out loud if I'm home alone.) My 10th grade English teacher didn't help this. After our Greek mythology unit she a contest where, who ever could list the most mythological inaccuracies in Hercules would get so much extra credit. (I lost.)

Then of course there is the general glossing over of the not so sunny parts of history. Apparently in Disney World (pun intended), people fought but only one person died or got hurt, maybe, and then everyone got together and had a party. This is one of the most distracting things for me because I have had a ton of history courses, U.S. and World, and I remember all of it. So during a lot of Disney movies I'm constantly thinking, "Yeah, those guys would have definitely been killing each other instead of shaking hands and being friends."

Plain old logic gets in the way too. I can't watch The Lion King anymore without thinking "All those animals would totally be eating each other." (But I can't be the only one who thinks that, so that's not too bad.) This isn't quite as distracting because I think everyone does this to some extent. Also it only distracts me for a minute and then I can get back to the movie. For some reason it's easier for me to let the basic logic go than the more in depth inaccuracies I mentioned earlier. Maybe it's because I've learned to force my brain to shut up about things like that from younger age. (Thank you Looney Tunes!)

Sometimes all that stuff I have learned allows me notice some cool trivia type things. For example, finding out that The Lion King is very similar to Hamlet blew my mind for a little bit. (I'm a nerd, so sue me.) I suppose it's not all downsides, but sometimes I still wish I could flip a brain switch so I can enjoy an old movie in peace just like the old days. 

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