I pulled the burnt insides out of a computer power supply, leaving the fan in, then put a frozen Coke can in the box and connected the fan to a 12 Volt source hoping it would blow air, cooled by the Coke can, onto my face. While setting it up, imagination ran riot as I dreamed of building an international manufacturing and distribution empire for this revolutionary device, thus financing my retirement. The best approach, I decided, would be to license manufacturers in different countries, using different technologies. That way, I could avoid all the hard and messy work of fabrication and export.

German version

Made out of die-cast high-strength aluminium, will withstand over-voltage incidents up to 15000 Volts for 30 min, can be immersed in water and most acids for short periods, is air-droppable from 10000 ft and is guaranteed for 75 years. Cost is 1795,00 Euros.

Italian version

Has won many prestigious design awards, and can be seen in various museums around the world. The entire Italian production run of 23 appliances has already been sold to museums and celebrities, for undisclosed sums.

French version

Is totally re-designed and re-configured, and is nothing like the original design. It will be available next year or the year after, price not known at this stage.

Scandinavian version

Is made in China, see "Chinese version". Price is 7 times the price of whatever the Chinese version sells for.

British version

Is driven by a small steam engine. While the appliance itself is effective, the heat given off by the steam engine was found to overcome the benefits, which is okay because it does not really get hot in England.

American version

The American version is affordable at $9.99, and available from gunshops, lawyers' offices, and on ebay. It comes with a 1097 page User Care Guide. Here is the Contents page:

1000.........Safety warnings
1097.........How to use

7% of the production run is defective, and subject to a recall notice. Call 1-800-somebodyinmumbai to get a replacement.

Taiwanese version

Uses 50% less material and has a parts count down to 3. It is guaranteed to survive up to but not including the opening of the blister packaging. "Pleese are rturning to Shwei fong Shwang for all naughty functionment". Price: very cheap.

Chinese version

Appeared 1 month after production under contract in China of the Scandinavian version commenced. VERY similar to the Scandinavian version, but in different colours. The brand name on the front panel is "Stick your label here". Price: 1/7th that of the Scandinavian version.

Indian version

Is quite cheap, but you have to supply some items yourself. These are:
13 x 3/17 inch left-hand thread Dzus screws
1 x 19.273 Volt battery

Linux version

Comes in the form of a kit:
7 lb iron ore
3 lb plastic
2 oz copper
from which you assemble the appliance yourself. Price: free, as in beer, you ignorant codeless weenie. The Beginners' Guide starts: "Morty Futze has re-designed the plastic fermjerckle in this version, make sure you spondugle the cremken, using the instructions on this web page: https://404_page_not_found.php"

UNIX version

Only works on very expensive desks. Price: You can find the price in the file /var/conf/cconph/slxzxssztppxlsz-w11.1101.tar.gz2.bfe. NOTE: Anyone using another version of this appliance which has anything similar to our version such as, but not limited to, plastic, metal or electricity, will have to buy a licence from us to use it.

Maccle Appintosh version

Is brown, and has one switch which is disabled because WE know what you want and when you want it, so WE will control the appliance. Anyway, you are too stupid to be given control of an appliance like this, so just admire the tasteful enclosure and show it to all your friends.

Whingedows version

Comes in an attractively-packaged unit, with 13 security upgrade add-ons.
CAUTION: do not leave this version connected to the mains power. It can be accessed from anywhere in the world and made to shoot flames at your face!

For information, the prototype didn't work. A computer fan just shifts air, it doesn't blow it, so the air flow was too feeble. Also, it has already been done, I saw a plastic version in the Think Geek catalogue, I think.

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