The public theological battle between my pastor Tim Ahrens and ideological conservatives Russell Johnson and Rod Parsley has earned a lot of media notice with New Yorker, Nightline and some regional press. . Time has shown for he is not only a fine speaker and very smart, but he's also a good, down-to-earth kind of a guy. However, my assessment of our Senior Minister is not shared by Mssrs. Parsley and Johnson. Johnson calls Tim a 'secular jihadist' and Parsely has called him "The proud leader of the Hordes of Hell".

Hmmm. Since I joined the church knowing Tim was pastor doesn't that make me a willing member of the Hordes of Hell? In fact, make that Proud member of the Hordes of Hell. When you think about it, that's quite a status, kind of like becoming a Nazgul or something. I wonder if this means I get a fire-breathing dragon to ride and a cool spiked helmet. Plus one of those impractical swords they sell at science fiction conventions. As I'm a long time con-goer, being a member of the Hordes of Hell might grant me important status there, and a better place in line when they had out the Romulan ale. Or my picture taken with some scantily-clad beast girl.

In all seriousness, I'm really glad to be part of Rod Parsley's nightmares. Even if I don't qualify for a cool t-shirt..

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