If I could turn back the years of time, I wouldn't. I don't see my life with you as a part of it. You left my life and this world with 6 bullet holes in your body. You left behind so much pain. You left this world "loved" by some, for all the money you threw at them. You left this world "hated" by others who wanted all your money. Life has been hard without you. My mom has cried many a nights mourning your death. I haven't. I won't.

What is a father who sells drugs to satisfy his thirst for money? What is a father who shoots acid for a mesely trip?

You brought my family pain, anger, and in one case, jail time. Sure we were living the *good* life for a couple of years. Two private jets, cruises all over, a nice house; money, power?, where has it led us? My family is corrupt because of your dirty money. My family are drug addicts because of your filthy actions. My family hates each other because your money split them apart.

Sometimes I do wish you were still alive. I would have all the material possessions I desired, but I don't think it would be worth it. I've seen what money can do to people. I've seen my aunts throw my mom out on the street after your death. I've seen what my father looks like dead on the floor covered in blood. I've seen what my uncle looks after he's done heroin. I've seen too many things I wish I hadn't.

You didn't have to sell drugs to support us or make us happy. You wouldn't be dead. You could have been a teacher, a doctor, a fucking custodian. Anything but a drug lord. We could have been happy. We could have had a family.

If only you took different steps in your life.
If only...

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