After an interesting yet disturbing experience at a strip club in a small Georgia town this past weekend, I have come up with several dont's that should be heeded if you are the proprietor of such a place.

Firstly, do not allow your disc jockey to use an electonic drum machine to accompany the music. This is in very bad taste. If the performer of the music wants horrid, tinny sounding congo drums played off-beat in their music, they'll put them in.

Secondly, never, ever force your dancers to perform to Funk Soul Brother. Don't get me wrong; this song is great. But it is not an erotic dance song. In fact, during some of the faster portions of the tune, the effect of the music coupled with an erotic dancer trying to keep up the pace is quite amusing.

Lastly, please don't place a large screen television tuned to the Weather Channel behind the dancers. This does nothing for the atmosphere of the place, unless your goal is to keep your patrons informed of the weather conditions rather than forking over their money.

There. I've said my piece.

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