Sixteen minutes after midnight
I can hear the
laughing and the
music, and the faint sound of
crying from downstairs. Someone is being
punished though I don't know why. I know the '
why' of why I'm sitting up here all
alone and it makes me feel
stupid. I look back on the year and have very few
regrets but one big one is missings the
New Year's Eve party this year. I know
I deserve it. we won't go into what I did but I'll say it involved alcohol, extreme lateness,
stupid choices, and breaking more of the Lady's rules than I care to think about. I can't help the
tears that flow down my face silently. I know I've
disappointed her and that's worse than any
punishment she could decide on. I
wish I could change things but there is no magical
time machine.
Strangely, this internet confession has helped me whether it is sent to
node heaven or not. I can't decide if it's the act of writing it all out or just
remembering that others out there somewhere can understand how I feel. All I know is that I feel calmer. Thank you E2.