Can't but reiterate: a good asparagus is like a young man: upright, thick, tall, and full of good things. A bad asparagus is like an old man: thin, short, bent, and soft. Skinny asparagus is not an "old wife's tale" but a positive lie to extend the asparagus season from a few weeks to year-round.
That said, let's tell the tale of Queen Victoria.
At one court dinner, it was given that a little girl be the Queen's confidante, for half the meal. This included the asparagus.
The Queen favored the sword swallower method of eating asparagus, and actually relished the opportunity to eat with her fingers in public.
The little girl therefore watched in horror as the most powerful political figure in the world violated every rule of table manners she'd ever seen.
"Ohhh." she said. "Nursie says to that piggie, piggie!"
And at that the Queen laughed. What more could she say?