It's truly shameful that my frequency of writeups has lagged so much. I'm beginning to realize I don't spend enough time doing the things that enrich my life because I'm so busy trying to keep up with the life I've created for myself. The
paradox continues to frustrate me and yet I find it harder and harder to turn this around and get back on the "me" train.
Case in point:I'm having a terrible time deciding what to do about my boyfriend. Aside from the fact that he has no direction in life, he's a really good guy. I just wish he'd get his ass in gear and do something with his time besides smoke pot and watch movies. I find myself thinking more and more about whether or not being together is the right thing for me right now. I guess I should break it down...
Thinkgs I like:
1) He's funny. Bringing a smile to my face is the best way to get my attention. Make me laugh and I'm yours.
2) He's very clever.
3) He doesn't like everything I like, and vice versa. I've been given the gift of a person who doesn't consume my life by wanting to spend every moment of it with me.
4) He got me to finally watch The Godfather.
5) Mindblowing sex. need I say more?
Things I don't like:
1) He doesn't have a job, and his only prospect at the moment is bartending school, which he's been going to for at least a year now.
2) He's real picky about movies, music and food & can be a bitch about it. In fact, he usually is.
3) He doesn't have a car. (In Los Angeles, this is the equivalent of being a quadrapeligic)
4) I have to twist his arm to get him to go somewhere other than his place or mine.
5) Worst of all is the fact that he seems to have no direction at all to make his situation better. He talks about it all the time, but doing it is such a different matter.
The worst part is, I really care about the guy! Dumping him just seems like a terrible thing to do to him because he's in a shitty situation and I have the power to make things even worse. There just isn't any way to feel okay about that. I don't even think he'll be able or willing to stay friends if we do break up, something I very much wish for.
*sigh* I hate doing shit like this to people.