January 1, 2004 (idea)

1. Indians are the best English teachers, but you have to teach them every once in a while.
2. You can always start just about anything all over again, but it's usually not a good idea.
3. Soldiers are heroes; politicians are goats.
4. A golf club swings itself; a golf ball hits itself. You do not swing or hit anything.
5. An oil change should never cost more than a dinner for four.
6. You don't need alcohol if you have confidence.
7. "Dear Ndugu: I just killed my chances of going to an Ivy League law school. How are you doing over there in Tanzania? I'd wager that you're kinda hungry..."
8. The woolly hat is the key to warmth.
9. You can only take the LSAT once, and once is never enough.
10. Tom Cruise can actually act.
11. MIT counts double.
12. Never underestimate the seductive power of Mormon girls.
13. Learning finance is the key to perpetrating every theft worth perpetrating.
14. Artificial tans are very artificial indeed.
15. George W. Bush is not as dumb as he wants you to think he is.
16. The body demands some foods; the soul demands others.
17. Just because you know a language doesn't mean you have to use it for personal gain.
18. Denny's might be slow and greasy at two in the morning, but you still won't want to go anyplace else.
19. A baby's smile cures everything, when viewed by the right pair of eyes.
20. All the answers really are inside you.
21. Any guitarist will sound flash with some distortion.
22. But you'd better forget about sounding like Eric Clapton.
23. Neal Stephenson still needs an editor.
24. Looking for love is like trying to catch a fly with chopsticks.
25. Life is more precious than anything else... even a Macintosh notebook.
26. Skim milk lacks spirit.
27. 21 questions are never enough.
28. Contact lenses make everything look clearer.
29. Boston will never be New York City, but it's markedly better than Gainesville, Florida.
30. God is good, but it doesn't hurt to question Him sometimes.
31. When the heater in your car stops working, you probably don't want to ask about the air conditioning.
32. Interstate 95: nowhere else in South Florida will you find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
33. Baghdad will always be exploding as long as NPR is on the ground there.
34. Stereotypes are useful, but not to be relied upon.
35. A necktie affords instant credibility.
36. An unlocked door in the middle of the night is the gateway to a million hidden worlds.
37. Dannye can recommend some great movies.
38. No matter how in control you think you are, something is going to surprise the living fuck out of you.
39. It's better to have loved and lost AS LONG AS YOU GET THE FUCK OVER IT
40. Jazz grows old; rock grows older; classical never ages at all.
41. Ideology is for suckers.
42. Happiness lies in the imagination.
43. Never go to Europe on standby when there's even a remote chance of a terror alert.
44. In Arizona, the heat really is dry.
45. Howard Dean can out-suck an industrial Hoover.
46. The most beautiful woman in the world can never lose her beauty.
47. Canada doesn't suck, except when it's aggravatingly cool.
48. If you're going to go to school in Florida, it's best to be a Gator... just ignore the crappiness of the city around you and drive on.
49. By the time you become old enough to drink in America, drinking becomes largely obsolete.
50. Money can buy anything, especially in Washington, DC.
51. Fresh air is the cleanser of the urban mental palate.
52. gn0sis does the same shit I do.
53. Well, I take the earlier point back: you need alcohol on aircraft, especially when the Department of Homeland Security wants to prod your anus at every checkpoint.
54. There's no crying in baseball, but there are plenty of curses!
55. There's much, much more to life than noding.

let's hope it's a good one, without any fear...