I have such a need to get everything that I've been feeling these last two days off my chest, but I don't know where to start. I've been to prayer meetings, I've talked to friends, this list included, and it all seems like a bad dream. But it's starting to sink in.
The magnitude of this is so over-whelming. I have never had a feeling like this before in my life. I feel selfish, undeserving...why was I allowed to live when so many died? All of these shell-shocked people wandering around, their lives torn apart, but I'm unscathed, at least physically. I'm confused about all this because how can we justify attacking thousands of innocent people because someone they're connected to did the same to us. Fire doesn't fight fire. I know some action must be taken, but I'm so incredibly fearful what the action will/must be. How will that affect our lives a year from now? 10 years from now. This is so big...will our nation be here a year from now? Will we be here?
I am a Christian, my faith rests fully on God and Jesus Christ, but I am a weak person and it is so hard for me to take comfort in that. I know ultimately that is where I will find solice, but it is going to be a long, hard battle. This is why it is a terrorist attack. Not the planes, or even the merciless deaths. It's the fear that's planted in one's heart when one starts to realize the implications. Our generation has lost its innocence. We grew up with a false sense of security, we were taught we were safe. Now we know we're not, and it's a sickening, empty feeling.
And you go to class, you go to work, because you have to keep your head up! You have to show the terrorists they have not gotten the best of us! No, we're Americans, we have pride, we will rise and we will crush our enemies...I can't do it. Not right away. How can I carryon with such miniscule and unimportant tasks when my world is falling apart?
I'm sorry for this being so melodramatic, that wasn't my intention. I want everyone to know I love them, regardless of whether I've ever talked to you or met you. And I'm thankful for this group, as well as all of my family and friends. Unfortunately I only seem to realize how blessed I am when times are the worst. I want to see everyone again, I want to tell them what they mean to me. I love you. Thankyou for reading this to the end, thankyou for listening.